Twenty-seven year old, Latasha Jewell McFarland of St. Louis County, pleaded guilty to prostitution charges including convincing a 13-year-old runaway to go be her whore. Latasha seems like a great little lady but if she’s this good at convincing people to whore it out, she should use her powers for good and call Heidi Klum.

[McFarland] told the girl last summer that she could earn $100 for each sex act that she engaged in, Assistant U.S. Attorney Noelle Collins said in court. McFarland posted pictures of the teen online, bought condoms, arranged the meetings and drove the teen to hotels along Interstate 270, Collins said, taking half of the girl’s money for her trouble.

McFarland also “encouraged” the girl to go to orgies, which sounds gross because no hot dudes like ourselves go to orgies. Only giant fat gross guys go to those things, so it was probably either a lot of “encouraging” or very little “encouraging” but also a gun. …It just occurred to us that the hooker is only 13, so gross or hot dudes really doesn’t matter that much does it since the physical appearance of a molester can run the gamut. Yikes. This is awkward. I mean you all think she sounded 18 though right? 3′s are so close to 8′s.

You think we’re in trouble? You had any young-looking hookers lately?

Asked after the hearing whether the teen’s customers could face charges, Collins said that in general, the FBI tries to identify and pursue customers who had sex with minors.

Woah that would suck to be on that list right, completely unrelated but we haven’t used that photo in a while, John Petrzborn?

Totally.

via STLToday

In what is no doubt the most anyone has ever talked about radio since…um…I don’t know…jesus radio metaphors are hard…probably because no one cares about radio. Except for the St. Louis sports media who still thinks its really really really really really important.

As first reported today on STLtoday.com, the team announced late this afternoon that it will return its radio broadcasts to KMOX next season after five years at KTRS, where they had been airing after a 51-year run at KMOX.

The Cardinals choose KMOX over the other options of staying at KTRS and moving to sports talk upstart WXOS, 101.1 FM saying “fan sentiment and feedback” was a major factor in the decision. Some would say they choose wrong, that AM radio, despite KMOX’s legendary signal, is somehow more dead than FM radio. True, but our initial guess is that the Cardinals asked that very question and KMOX’s owner CBS Radio had answer.

Our initial guess seems to be lining up with the rumors we have heard after talking to a few people after the news broke. Our guess? CBS promised the Cardinals that they too would be on the more robust FM signal soon. How? By killing KEZK and moving KMOX to 102.5 FM, leaving 112o AM to be a more sports-heavy talk sister station to KMOX, and of course, simulcast Cardinal games on both signals.

With that information in hand, the Cardinals had the perfect answer. Going to KMOX certainly wins by the old-folks crowd, and the move to FM nullifies any benefits that WOXS was offering. No brainer.

…you know what would be super cool though, is if someone could invent a device that also broadcasts video of the game along with the audio. That would really be something! You wouldn’t want Mike Shannon on there though, he gets a little sloppy. You’d want someone smooth, well spoken, but knows when to shut up and, of course, above reproach…eh, screw it. This guy will do:

via STLToday

Oh sure you remember Eric Crouch! The Nebraska football stud quarterback that went on to get a Heisman and then be drafted by your St. Louis Rams as a wide receiver? Mad Mike Martz’s plan never really worked and after getting a real injury to go along with his hurt pride, Crouch retired just weeks before the regular season.

What’s he up to now?

Crouch is now the owner of Crouch Recreation, a company that installs park and playground equipment ranging from water slides to scoreboards in Nebraska, South Dakota and Iowa.

“I made the mistake in my career [of] saying, ‘Just get drafted the highest position and I would be open to playing anything,’” Crouch said. “And when I got to the NFL, that really wasn’t the situation. I was really a quarterback at heart.”

Yahoo Sports goes on to mention that Crouch still gets calls from teams wanting him to get back on the field. UFL not NFL:

To this day, Crouch is still getting calls. The UFL’s Omaha Nighthawks, an expansion franchise that already features ‘Husker legend Ahman Green on its roster and tried out former Ohio State star Maurice Clarett over the weekend, tried to lure Crouch out of retirement a couple months back. Crouch declined, pointing to the fact he’s had eight surgeries from football.

Good for him! It’s not often you hear about people being happy after leaving the Rams…well, other than Kyle Turley, Lovie Smith, Mike Martz, Marc Bulger, Tory Holt, and every one that went to a game last year.

via Yahoo! Sports

A former band Director for the Alton school district has been sentenced to six years in the joint for having, what KMOV is calling an “affair” with a 16-year-old student.

According to the Madison County State Attorney’s officer, 36-year-old Matthew Lang has to serve 85% of his sentence. He must also register as a sex offender.

Police say Lang had sex with the student more than once during school hours. Some of the encounters occurred at the school and others happened at locations away from the school.

Even more creepy, the guy has a mustache and a chinstrap beard. Gross. How do you drop of your 16 year old daughter in to this guy’s care for band practice when he looks like this?! Let me guess, you didn’t have to drop her off…Mr. Lang picked her up from your place in his window-less van with outside-locking doors and that big back of Snickers in the back.

Lang worked his way up from creepy janitor to band director by convincing the Alton school board he would be, with out a doubt, the best guy to teach high school girls how to blow in to something to make noise. Apparently Lang’s a moaner.

Ok, that last line even grossed us out.

…still gonna leave it in though.

via KMOV

We had this really great baseball team in April and now we can’t find it, so we took to Craigslist to see if we can track it down.

Any help locating it would be greatly appreciated.

Click for a larger view. Actual posting is at http://stlouis.craigslist.org/laf/1930411367.html

If we pretend for a moment that exiled-Post Dispatch columnist Jerry Berger still writes his own “gossip”, then we could say: Jesus Jerry! Is this really the best way you could “report” on the passing of Deanne Lane, formerly of KSDK’s, husband passing away suddenly?

It’s been a great week so far, any way you look at it (provided you weren’t looking at it from Iraq, Afghanistan, North Korea or the house of Centene communicator and former television anchor Deanne Lane, who is mourning the sudden death of her husband, consultant and avid golfer Greg Goodrich

That’s freaking horrible. “Today is the best day ever! So great! Today is so awesome…unless you are this dude here, who’s mom got ran over by a golf cart this morning.” Then follow up by comparing Lane’s husband’s death to life inIraq, Afghanistan and North Korea? Good call. It’s probably just like living there. Really slick (guy who writes for) Jerry Burger.

Can’t wait to hear about the District Whatever Representative that went to one of your friends’ restaurant openings. Super exciting stuff.

via Our Tipster and BergersBeat.com

It had to be something this heavy for Derrick Washington, the stand-out running back, to be mysteriously suspended by Mizzou head coach Gary Pinkel last week. Division I college football coaches generally don’t just “indefinitely suspend” one of their best players for the something like library fines, and sure enough, the rap on Washington is a way worse than library fines…unless you broke in to the library after dark and put your penis in the books without asking, then it would be about the same.

A campus detective’s probable cause statement filed Monday says Washington entered the woman’s closed bedroom while visiting her roommate and allegedly assaulted the woman while she slept.

A July hearing was delayed at the woman’s request and the case appeared dormant after both Washington and the alleged victim failed to show up for the rescheduled hearing. But prosecutors continued to investigate and Washington’s family has hired an attorney.

Good try Derrick by going with the “ignore it and my sexual assault charge will just go away” defense, but it appears Columbia’s prosecuting attorney is a stickler for things like humping sleeping girls. You might have to try out the “don’t you know who I am?!” defense…check in with Dan McLaughlin about his shot with that.

“But when can he get back on the field?” asks the sicko college football fan less worried about the players penis-stabbing girls than about the Big 12 standings:

School policy says that athletes charged with a felony cannot return to the field until the case is resolved. With a Sept. 23 arraignment hearing, Washington will miss the Tigers’ first three games, if not more.

To his credit Gary Pinkel is taking a hard stance on his teams recent “issues”:

“The buck stops here with me,” Pinkel said. “I am embarrassed, and disappointed. Hopefully we can get this cleaned up.”

…and if not, he’ll just bail out to the NFL before any of the penalties get close to him. Pinkel’s going to look great as a Seahawks assistant coach.

via: Rivals.com

Photo Credit: Jeff Lautenberger

Looks like Hoopz didn’t get a ring in St. Louis after all!

The site GossipCop.com got what we couldn’t: A response from Shaq’s people about his possible engagement in St. Louis a few weekends ago (“Shaq Proposed to His Girlfriend in St. Louis“):

Gossip Cop reached out to O’Neal’s rep, who told us the engagement rumors are “not accurate.”

Repeat: He is not engaged.

When asked for a comment, the Post-Dispatch writer noted that she “did not say he’s engaged,” but simply shared what the restaurant owner thought he witnessed. She also acknowledged she didn’t reach out to O’Neal’s rep to fact-check David’s claim.

We’re calling a foul on this one.

Dammit. Yeah, we’ll take this one for following Peterson’s lead.

Here’s one thing from our original story we’re sticking to, no matter how many agents GossipCop calls:

Word is that after Shaq and Hoopz’ magical wedding night is all just a stain, ‘Flav has plans to live in the newly hollowed out part of Hoopz. It will be like Webster hiding in that dumbwaiter. So cute!

Honestly, we just wanted to post the picture of Hoopz again…

The Cardinals lost. Tony hates Rasmus. The team just doesn’t give a crap. Buzz Bissinger’s pissed. Blah blah blah…when will the Cardinals give us something new! Anything?! Please! Just anything!

Last night we got this:

“Happ stymies Cardinals with two-shit shutout”

Telling the world about your game-long battle with the Deluxe Nachos really takes the win out of your use of “stymies”.

In honor of the Cardinals upcoming “Social Media Day” did you know the Cardinals auto-tweet out their headlines? Hell yeah they do!

Go internet!

Soon after the Cardinals faithful had their little laugh at all of this, the headline was updated and the tweet was removed, almost like it never happened. It did though. We have screenshots.

Don’t fire the headline guy Cardinals! He did his very best to take all of our mind off how astonishingly bad this team is for at least a moment.

When the Ladue News asks for your opinion, maybe you should just expect it to be disregarded. Seriously, who are you to tell them your thoughts on who should be on their Most Dynamic List? No, it doesn’t matter that they asked  for you submissions. It does matter however, they they are better than you. How can I say that? Easy. They put their dogs in matching sweaters and post pictures of the results. You don’t. Game over.

We bring this up because of some fishiness we are hearing about the Ladue News’ latest call to action, namely their call for submissions to add to their on-going “Most Dynamic” list. Forgetting for a second that a “Most Dynamic” list means essentially nothing, several people have been submitting the same fine young gentleman’s name over and over again and the Ladue News people are not only ignoring their submissions, but actually removing their posts from their Facebook page.

For example, check out this comment that backs up the stories we’ve been hearing:

The man in question is Brian Rehg. Rehg is note-worthy in the Ladue because of his amazing job skewering anything and everything Ladue. You might remember that we did a post on this very topic a few months ago: “Ladue Has a Yacht Club? On Facebook They Do.” Can the fine people of the Ladue News not take a little good-natured ribbing? Why wouldn’t the Ladue News not want Rehg on their list if he is getting submissions? Where do you even get turtleneck dog sweaters?!

We contacted the Ladue News Editor in Chief, Dorothy F. Weiner about this issue. Though agreeing that the local paper had the right to add or not add anyone they want to their list, we asked if they had any specific issues with Rehg enough to warrant cleansing their page of all submissions, she had this to say:

We are not aware of this problem. I will forward this to our tech staffer and see if we can remedy it immediately. Thanks to all who submitted Mr. Rehg’s name, and we will most certainly put it on our list for consideration. Sorry for the inconvenience.

In a related story, a shockingly low 4% of Ladue people like nuts on their ice cream. How can you not like nuts on your ice cream?! Delicious.