Tony LaRussa’s Wife Loves Machine Head

It’s true! As reported by Deadspin yesterday, Elaine LaRussa, wife of former Cardinal skipper Tony LaRussa, is a huge metal head. This is so awesome we might cry. Deadspin retold the tail from Robb Flynn, the lead singer of metal band Machine Head, where Elaine accosted him in a Whole Foods: Flash back to about a year and a half ago… I’m walking through Whole Foods in Walnut Creek talking on the phone to my friend Tom when a lady and her daughter approach me wide-eyed. [Read More]

And the Best Post-World Series Photo is…

…this photo of Tony La Russa trying to put on a Sam Bradford jersey before the Rams took on the Saints! We’re not sure if TLR was going for a a Edmonds-style half-shirt thing here, or after being in baseball for so long he’s completely incapable of putting on a jersey that doesn’t button down the front. Update: Woah! …and Tony just retired. Wow. Apparently that jersey was really a bitch to take off too. [Read More]

Pie Charts For Science

We present to you a few pie charts showing some relevant data but in the shape of pies because we both know you love pie. Maybe if you ate up science like you gobble down pie, you’d be working at that job you’d rather have. Something to think about, but today is a new day and you can have your lookin’ balls feast on fresh baked St. Louis science! [Read More]

The Cardinals’ 2011 Season: Mission Accomplished!

Our crack investigative team has uncovered an internal memo that Tony LaRussa sent his “underling” General Manager John Mozeliak apparently, just after the close of the 2010 season. It’s been a rough go so far, and while no one knows what the rest of the season will hold, it appears that “Mo” has pleased his Hall of Fame manager boss by completing the plan just ahead of schedule! Nicely done John! [Read More]

Tony and Albert Looked a Little Freaked Out at Saturday’s Game

What the hell had Albert Pujols and Tony LaRussa so spooked in these Getty Image photos from Saturday’s game versus the Kansas City Royals? A: It was just at that moment that someone realized that the freaking Rod Barajas is currently out-hitting Pujols. B: They were both just told that the new movie “Beaver” isn’t exactly what they thought it was, and was actually about a crazy old racist actor trying to make a comeback with a puppet, instead of what we all really want to see him do to turn his career around, _Air America 2_. [Read More]

Tony Returns to Cardinals Bench

In a triumphant return, Popeye Tony LaRussa reclaimed the bench and got the Cardinals back to their winning ways after getting swept by the hated Reds. In fact, much like Popeye, Tony’s brother in squinty-eyed face grimacing, he too suffers from the awesome problem of just being to damn tough! La Russa, after joking before the game that “I’ve been on vacation,” said, “The biggest mistake I made was in not treating the pain. [Read More]

Tony’s Eye Might Be Because of Playing Baseball With Raw Chicken

The secret of Tony’s horrible, gross, game-missing eye lies within season two of Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Below is an episode summary with added emphasis: After Master Shake nearly destroys the house by leaving garbage everywhere (especially in Frylock’s room, whose entrance he has bricked closed), burning styofoam [sic], stockpiling chicken carcasses, and planting land mines in the hallway, Frylock becomes disgusted and moves to a condominium. Frylock throws a housewarming party, but none of the people he invites attend. [Read More]

Tony LaRussa’s Daughter Makes it on 2011 Raiderette Squad

Cardinals manager Tony LaRussa’s hot daughter surprised her family by trying out for, and making it on to the 2011 Raiderette cheerleading squad. Sure, there may not be any Raiders games this year, but would you rather read about this and look at pictures of her, or hear more about the rain? Bianca, who goes by “Bianca Tai” on twitter, announced the news last week. “A goal and a dream come true- I’m a 2011 Raiderette! [Read More]

Tony LaRussa and Ray Vinson’s Awkward Handshake Will Forever Haunt Our Dreams

UVerse must have accidentally let a Cardinal game through because last night we sat down and actually got to watch the Cardinals hammer the Diamondbacks. It had been a few days since we last watched a Cardinal game, so as we blissfully drank in the offensive displays that usually bore us and watched Lance Berkman’s grand slam shot float over the wall of Chase Field we had all but forgotten the thing that would later ruin the game for us. [Read More]

2011 Season, Game 5: Tony LaRussa Gets Mad at Reporters, Walks Out

When Cardinals manager Tony LaRussa announced that he would return as the St. Louis skipper in 2011, he made the following comment: You start thinking about goals. I came up with some goals, very specific ones. One of my goals is to have the media feel like I’m more loveable. Tony was joking. Like really joking it turned out. 5 days in to the 2011 he’s already pulled the “storm out of the press conference bit”. [Read More]