morons

Dumbass Guy That Thinks Craigslist Works to Get Chicks Gives Guys Tips on Grammar

Posted on May 6, 2010 | The Editor

Found on St. Louis’ “Missed Connections” Craiglist page: First impressions are everything. So, if you want to pick up a woman on here, draft your post to give the impression as though you did in fact graduate high school and possess basic literacy skills. LEARN TO SPELL AND USE PUNCTUATION! Sentences should start with a capital letter and end with period. “Txt” spelling is fine for a text, but isn’t finding that special woman worth the extra nanosecond it takes to spell out your words completely? [Read More]

Old Guy Makes Hostage Threat After Running Out of Other Non-Jailable Ideas

Posted on May 6, 2010 | The Editor

Randy Trim was pissed off. Not just pissed off like when the Diet Mt Dew fountain doesn’t work at the gas station in the morning…like hostage threat but not bothering to conceal his identity or location pissed. Yeah…ok…I guess that can be a level of pissed. Trim, 62, of the first block of Capri Way in St. Charles, walked into the Regions Bank at 1416 Harvestowne Industrial last Thursday morning wondering why his social security check had not been deposited. [Read More]

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St. Louis Has the Worst Casino Crimes

Posted on May 5, 2010 | The Editor

In Vegas, even the “little” heists are planned down to the detail. No one hits the big casinos ill-prepared. They have two drivers, a computer expert (for some reason), the muscle and the brains…at a minimum. Their schemes involve parachuting on to the roof, dropping in on a zip line, using smoke to see the lasers and then trying to get out with the money after two costume changes and stop to make some wonderfully phrased zinger to a pretty lady at one of the craps tables. [Read More]

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If You Can Kick a Ball, You Can Get Kicked Out of Tower Grove Park

Posted on April 22, 2010 | The Editor

We’re pretty much the last ones to this party, but one of the Kickball Leagues (the one on the Magnolia side) has been asked to leave Tower Grove Park and play somewhere else after reports of abusive language, public urination, nudity, and disrespect for park rangers, which by the way describes all of St. Louis. Tower Grove Park Director John Karel said the park tried to accommodate the league’s penchant for lewd behavior and alcohol consumption, but had reached a breaking point. [Read More]

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Mizzou Racists Charged for Littering

Posted on April 21, 2010 | The Editor

Back on March 3rd, we talked about the unfunny, offensive but otherwise legal “prank” perpetrated on the Mizzou campus that involved cotton balls being spread in front of the Black Culture Center early one morning. Sure this is offensive, but its more offensive that someone thought this was going to play on some level. This is like telling industrial revolution jokes. “University of Missouri, Columbia Police tell Globe-Democrat.com that they are investigating but at this point have no arrests. [Read More]

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That’s Enough, American Mustache Institute

Posted on April 15, 2010 | The Editor

Its tax time! Uh oh. Sure hope no one-joke-pony dude duo tries to write a press release to get themselves in the news again. Too late (via the AP): It’s time that mustached Americans got in on the stimulus money. At least that’s the proposal being pushed by tax policy professor John Yeutter and the St. Louis-based AmericanMustache Institute. The tongue-in-cheek group dubs itself “the world’s only facial hair advocacy and research organization. [Read More]

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Those Flyer People in the Loop Can Go Straight to Hell

Posted on March 22, 2010 | The Editor

“Crap. They’re back.” “Who?” “Come see.” The two of them stand up and look in to the window facing the parking lot, each of them looking through their reflections, focusing on their respective cars. “They didn’t get mine yet.” “Well the bastards got mine double and their heading your direction.” “Maybe they’ll miss it.” The crowd at the window has now grown to 6. “Can someone set off their alarm? That would freak them out. [Read More]

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Police Confused as to Why Stupid Prisoner Hanged Herself

Posted on March 18, 2010 | The Editor

The Globe Democrat reports that a St. Louis Metro Police prisoner decided to end it all while the cops were at lunch or something recently. The 32-year-old woman was taken into custody around 2:00 p.m. Tuesday in the 5400 block of Southwest Avenue for an outstanding bench warrants. She was taken to the south patrol area station where she was being held. Around 3:00 p.m., the victim was found hanging in the holding cell. [Read More]

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RFT Writer Gets Sucker Punched in the Loop

Posted on March 17, 2010 | The Editor

We at Punching Kitty love being in the city during the spring. Walking down the streets of the Looop, with that cool nip in the air that makes it so you can’t decide if you should have brought your coat. Looking at the shine of the streetlights coming off the rain puddles on still on the streets from the night below takes your focus to the point where you don’t even see the little bitch about to sucker punch you as you walk past the Subway. [Read More]

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Stripper Accused of Being Bad Parent, Replies With Only “I Know. I’m a Stripper”

Posted on March 4, 2010 | The Editor

What is the world coming to when we can’t even trust ladies that take their clothes off and grind their snizz against diseased brass polls and diseased old dude’s faces in the worst city in America for a stack of dollar bills that looks like a lot to them but adds up to $23 dollars if you know math to be a good mother’s to their children?! A Metro East mother is accused of leaving her 3-year-old daughter to wander a hotel alone while she went to work at a strip club. [Read More]

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