It had to be something this heavy for Derrick Washington, the stand-out running back, to be mysteriously suspended by Mizzou head coach Gary Pinkel last week. Division I college football coaches generally don’t just “indefinitely suspend” one of their best players for the something like library fines, and sure enough, the rap on Washington is a way worse than library fines…unless you broke in to the library after dark and put your penis in the books without asking, then it would be about the same.

The Cardinals lost. Tony hates Rasmus. The team just doesn’t give a crap. Buzz Bissinger’s pissed. Blah blah blah…when will the Cardinals give us something new! Anything?! Please! Just anything!

Last night we got this:

“Happ stymies Cardinals with two-shit shutout”

Telling the world about your game-long battle with the Deluxe Nachos really takes the win out of your use of “stymies”.

In honor of the Cardinals upcoming “Social Media Day” did you know the Cardinals auto-tweet out their headlines? Hell yeah they do!

“I made it clear when we were approached: I said, ‘If it’s political, I wouldn’t even approach Albert with it.’ I don’t want to be there if it’s political,”

That’s Tony LaRussa talking last week about the rally in the nations capitol over the weekend put on by Glenn Beck and featuring Sarah Palin. Political? Maybe, maybe not. Controversial? No doubt about it. Beck’s rally has both ruffled feathers and drawn curious looks for its choice of date and guests, despite Beck’s claims that the point is only to restore the honor of stuff that most believe still had plenty of honor in the tank, and is saying any date-correlations are completely accidental (the day the rally takes place is the anniversary of Martin Luther King’s “I Have A Dream” speech). To this point, we heard that Pujols was ready to back out of the appearance, up until the last second, if it turned at all political.

Our friends at JoeSportsFan.com and KFNS.com just released their expose on the absolute crappiness of the Lambert Airport sports shop “Hometown Favorites”. Summery? Pedro Guerrero is prominently displayed. Pretty much all you need to know to see where this is going.

Its no surprise of course. Airports in general are set in their own little world. A scary world where an 87 year old woman can take down a plane with a pair of safety scissors, a Burger King Whopper with Cheese costs $9.45 and Mark Mulder is still punching out major league hitters rather than sitting at home with a stain on his shirt yelling at his shoulder.

Sports Illustrated is counting down all 101 (apparently both 0 and 00 count) jersey numbers and naming the best players to wear that numeral of all time. In the list the Rams snagged five spots, with the majority coming from the LA days. The old skool Cardinals snuck one in there too later on down the list.

#28 Marshall Faulk

A key cog of the Rams’ “Greatest Show On Turf,” Faulk played his last game in 2005, ending a career in which he produced 19,154 combined yards from scrimmage. His 6,875 yards receiving are the most by any running back. #

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We’re a little late to the party on this one, but according to the Post Dispatch‘s Deb “Every Once in a While I Write Something Interesting” Peterson, Shaq, after being in town for Pujols’ charity kegger (Crazy night! Right Danny Mac?!) he proposed to his girlfriend right here in old St. Louis!

After leaving the mother of your children and wife of seven years though, you can’t date and marry just anyone. You’re Shaq for christ sakes! What you need is a skanky chick that used to slobber over a crusty older celebrity…like maybe Flavor-Flav. For reals. Nicole “Hoopz” Alexander, known for being the winner of VH1’s “Flavor of Love,” has been dating Shaq for “a few months” now.  The old and new boyfriends are on good terms though. Word is that after Shaq and Hoopz’ magical wedding night is all just a stain, ‘Flav has plans to live in the newly hollowed out part of Hoopz. It will be like Webster hiding in that dumbwaiter. So cute!

“I love Detroit.”

That was former Kansas City Royal, Oakland Athletic, Boston Red Sox, New York Yankee and current Detroit Tiger Johnny Damon ****yesterday after turning down a chance to be traded back to the Boston Red Sox team he helped bring a World Series Championship to in 2004 after sweeping the Car…ugh. Blockquote to break the painful memory anyone?

The Red Sox claimed Damon on waivers this week, but he had the right to veto a move to Boston because of a no-trade clause in his contract.

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It’s been a long road for Stan Kroenke to get finally own the worst team in the NFL, but it looks like he might finally get the team. First there was the sudden claim of the team from Shahid Khan, then the NFL rules he had to dodge about cross-city ownership, and after all that, he had to be all like “Dude. I don’t have the money, but I promise I will have it soon. Be cool. What happened? You used to be cool.”  None of that matters now because the NFL finance committee has unanimously voted in favor of our man Stan.

From the moment we posted about Dan McLaughlin this morning, we’ve been hearing report after report from all over about how lots and lots of people don’t like old “Danny Mac”. Lots of people are, dare we say, happy about this little traffic stop and following mug shot.

…and then we got this thrown our way:

The fact that someone took the time to make and circulate this says a lot. Also of note is that we still can’t look at that mugshot without giggling.

Anything to get Fox 2’s Tim Ezell to come visit huh River City Rascals?

In an effort to reenact Bill Veeck’s famous “sign a midget since no one can strike him out” move last night, the O’Fallon, Misouri independent league baseball team, signed a short(est) stop of their own. Welcome Eddie Gaedel 2010 aka Nick Hagan!

According to Nick’s bio on the Rascals site, he is listed as “utility” under position. Born in 1994, the 4’0″, 110 lbs Hagan is described as an “avid gamer” and has a yellow belt in Karate. Neither of which are in any way important facts or interesting in the least.