Lamber Airport to Reveal Phase One of Makeover This Morning

If any of you are lucky enough to have to spend some time Tuesday getting voluntarily strip searched before heading off to your connecting flight to a real airport at Lambert tomorrow, be sure to check out the fancy new remodel of baggage carousels one and two! We know you’re excited! The remodels baggage carousels now feature higher ceilings and more light, but fair warning, they couldn’t get rid of that religious guy and his little desk who thinks he’s better than you because he knows Jesus…or satan or Tom Cruise. [Read More]

Storms Destroy Lambert Airport, Damage Only Noticeable in Nicer East Terminal

Friday evening, strong spring storms rampaged through North St. Louis, crippling Lambert Airport and sealing off the major St. Louis escape route. The brimstone should arrive by this Wednesday to take the rest of us out. “The storm caused significant damage to the airport,” said St. Louis Mayor Francis Slay. There were nine sightings of a possible tornado or tornadoes in St. Louis County. The KSDK camera showed extensive damage to residences and other structures near the airport. [Read More]

Lambert Airport to Go 100% Smoke Free, Still Plans to Allow Crapiness

His Mayorness, Francis Slay, announced yesterday that Lambert Airport is going 100% smoke free starting on January 2nd, 2011. The move conicides with the earlier removal of major airline hubs, any semblance of security, and decent flights that don’t involve you going the wrong direction for 6 hours to get to a real airport to make your connecting flight. [T]he city will close — and eventually tear down — the five airport smoking lounges on Jan. [Read More]

Guy Runs From Lambert TSAs, Totally Gets Away With It!

So apparently the best way to get through the security at Lambert Airport without getting scanned or allowing the high-school dropout TSA agent to get to third base is to…wait for it…just run. Somewhere Osama Bin Laden is face-palming right now. The countless hours of research that yielded the “shoe bomb” could have been better spent just buying good non-bomb running shoes and just hold the bomb in front of you and take off in to the airport when confronted. [Read More]

JoeSportsFan Figures Out Airport Shops Suck Balls

Our friends at and just released their expose on the absolute crappiness of the Lambert Airport sports shop “Hometown Favorites”. Summery? Pedro Guerrero is prominently displayed. Pretty much all you need to know to see where this is going. Its no surprise of course. Airports in general are set in their own little world. A scary world where an 87 year old woman can take down a plane with a pair of safety scissors, a Burger King Whopper with Cheese costs $9. [Read More]

Lambert Add Window on St. Louis, Quickly Shuts Shades

According to USAToday, a new interactive art exhibit is being installed in to Lambert Airport. The feature is called Windows on St. Louis. It’s a glass-walled gallery where six cultural attractions have filled the windows with art and memorabilia. Touch-screen computer technology allows people to take a digital tour of the Gateway Arch grounds. Other sections highlight celebrated museums, neighborhoods and a cathedral. You wanna know something thats going to shock you? [Read More]