Lamber Airport to Reveal Phase One of Makeover This Morning

If any of you are lucky enough to have to spend some time Tuesday getting voluntarily strip searched before heading off to your connecting flight to a real airport at Lambert tomorrow, be sure to check out the fancy new remodel of baggage carousels one and two! We know you’re excited! The remodels baggage carousels now feature higher ceilings and more light, but fair warning, they couldn’t get rid of that religious guy and his little desk who thinks he’s better than you because he knows Jesus…or satan or Tom Cruise. [Read More]

The Cape Girardeau Airport is Making Lambert Airport Look Like a Badass

If you’ll recall, Lambert Airport got wind-raped pretty hard last Friday. After getting its windows blown out and roof ripped off, it was back to full capacity yesterday, a mere 5 days later. The Cape Girardeau Airport has however been closed since Sunday because of puddles. Cape Air has been closed since Sunday. The airport was temporarily shut down because there is a large amount of standing water on the runway. [Read More]

Storms Destroy Lambert Airport, Damage Only Noticeable in Nicer East Terminal

Friday evening, strong spring storms rampaged through North St. Louis, crippling Lambert Airport and sealing off the major St. Louis escape route. The brimstone should arrive by this Wednesday to take the rest of us out. “The storm caused significant damage to the airport,” said St. Louis Mayor Francis Slay. There were nine sightings of a possible tornado or tornadoes in St. Louis County. The KSDK camera showed extensive damage to residences and other structures near the airport. [Read More]

Lambert Airport to Go 100% Smoke Free, Still Plans to Allow Crapiness

His Mayorness, Francis Slay, announced yesterday that Lambert Airport is going 100% smoke free starting on January 2nd, 2011. The move conicides with the earlier removal of major airline hubs, any semblance of security, and decent flights that don’t involve you going the wrong direction for 6 hours to get to a real airport to make your connecting flight. [T]he city will close — and eventually tear down — the five airport smoking lounges on Jan. [Read More]

Lambert Add Window on St. Louis, Quickly Shuts Shades

According to USAToday, a new interactive art exhibit is being installed in to Lambert Airport. The feature is called Windows on St. Louis. It’s a glass-walled gallery where six cultural attractions have filled the windows with art and memorabilia. Touch-screen computer technology allows people to take a digital tour of the Gateway Arch grounds. Other sections highlight celebrated museums, neighborhoods and a cathedral. You wanna know something thats going to shock you? [Read More]