Crime

That smiling face you see above belongs to 19-year-old Chtonia Battle. Ms Battle was being charged for the murder of 53-year-old, “super nice guy” Benny Hill. Chtonia reportedly drug Hill from the van he was driving to work, stabbed him in the neck and left him to die, bleeding in the street. Chtonia Battle is the worst kind of person. She shouldn’t even be counted as a person…”Chtonia” certainly shouldn’t count as a name, so it’s really not that much of a stretch. [Read More]

Vernita Bruce is one hell of a mom! She has no comb or common sense and she’s clearly dangerously imbalanced, but she will go the extra mile to be horrible! Like when her 13-year-old daughter told her that girls at school wanted to fight her, did she just sit down with some Full House-style talk about how violence isn’t the answer, ending with a hug while the sounds of clapping come out of nowhere? [Read More]

Hey anyone know what Jordan Prince is up to these days? Probably just out in St. Charles looking weird and strangling babies because they have the nerve to be all loud when you’re trying to eat a box of Little Debbie Swiss Rolls. You know how he do!! According to reports, Jordan L. Prince, 24, was charged with first-degree endangering the welfare of a child and second-degree murder on Thursday. [Read More]

It’s tough to watch close relatives get old. As their ability to do their once simple tasks slowly slip from their withered grasp, they rely on us to be strong for them and guide them through those last remaining miles, but it’s not always easy to be strong. Some nights as you tuck your 92-year-old grandmother in to bed, your mind begins to drift to unpleasant thoughts like “Is this the last Christmas I’ll have with my grandma? [Read More]

The concept of deportation was invented for this asshole. Here’s the short version: A severely impaired driver swerved and ran red lights for miles down Jennings Station road in Pine Lawn, Missouri. At the Margaret intersection he swerved again, this time smashing in to a pregnant woman and then the side of a daycare. …after that he called everyone’s favorite president, Abe Lincoln, a pussy on Facebook and got out of the car, stepped on a baby bunny, and took a dump on a laptop…but the laptop had pictures of Julia Roberts on it…yes, America’s Sweetheart! [Read More]

Janice Lyles was arrested Saturday after being found passed out in a Godfrey, Illinois Hardee’s drive-through, engine running and everything. Hardee’s must get like one of these a week, but it’s still pretty funny. The staff at the restaurant, located in the 2700 block of Godfrey road, called police when they notice a woman asleep in the drive thru with the engine running. According to police, Lyles displayed obvious signs of being under the influence of alcohol and failed field sobriety tests. [Read More]

Ron Jackson is in custody today after someone found his dog in a city dumpster after it that had been shot 12 times and choked with an electrical cord. That punishment seems a tad over the top, but this is what happens as the nation’s newspaper companies begin to fold. What do you expect us to correct our dogs with now that no one gets the newspaper?! We certainly don’t to risk breaking our Kindle. [Read More]

No city knows how to flip a good rule on it’s head, spit on it and kick it in the eye like St. Louis. For instance, earlier in the year we saw someone that “Just said no.” to drugs get shot, and now we have a guy that offered someone a ride home get shot in the neck. In the freaking neck! That’s what you get for looking out for other people’s safety you dick! [Read More]

Vincent Newman has been apprehended and charged with at least one of the recent string of violent robberies in South City, and more charges are expected. Just listen to what this dickhead did: A 27-year-old woman was shot at 5:55 a.m. Wednesday as she walked to her car in the 1600 block of South Spring Avenue. The man took her purse and shot her in the face, police said. A 20-year-old woman was robbed of her cellphone and tablet computer. [Read More]

Arnold police are still looking for the bank robber who exclaimed “Go Cards!” on his way out the door with the cash. Welcome to St. Louis. This is what we do: break laws and watch baseball. Police say the man entered the First Bank at 3850 Jeffco Boulevard, approached the teller and presented a note demanding money around 1:15 p.m. Friday. After taking an undisclosed amount of money, the man reportedly yelled, “Go Cards! [Read More]