It’s tough to watch close relatives get old. As their ability to do their once simple tasks slowly slip from their withered grasp, they rely on us to be strong for them and guide them through those last remaining miles, but it’s not always easy to be strong. Some nights as you tuck your 92-year-old grandmother in to bed, your mind begins to drift to unpleasant thoughts like “Is this the last Christmas I’ll have with my grandma?” or for some, “I wonder if this old bitch is a demon? …Probably. I better get her before she gets me.”
Rachel Armstrong was charged Thursday with first-degree elderly abuse.
According to police, Armstrong was at her home in the 10000 block of Golf Crest in the Sappington area when she threw down her grandmother and stomped on her, breaking both her arms and eight ribs on November 12.
According to police, Armstrong thought her grandmother was a demon and tried to beat it out of her before tucking her in bed.
If you’re going to pick someone and decide they might be a demon and the best course of action is to kick the crap out of them, the safe play is picking a really really old lady. Other good choices would be: small domestic animals, various bugs, thin hollow sticks, smooth rocks and former Cardinal infielder Aaron Miles. Common sense and science dictates that anyone larger than you, or anyone holding a weapon, are generally not demonic by nature.