Man Shot in Groin, Probably Felt Less Funny Than It Sounds

 Posted on June 1, 2011  |  The Editor

A St. Louis man was walking down the street when he was robbed and then shot…in the dick. Officials say that the victim was walking west on Dr. Martin Luther King Drive when a maroon van occupied by a group of black men stopped. The suspect exited the van and demanded property. The suspect took a bag from the victim containing a wallet and a camera before firing shots at the victim, striking him in the groin. [Read More]
dick  robbery  shooting 

We’re Pretty Sure Nate Dogg Robbed a Granite City Cash Store

 Posted on May 2, 2011  |  The Editor

Ok, ok you’re pretty sure Nate Dogg’s dead right? We were too…until…seriously, hang in there with us for a second…we saw this security camera still taken from the Granite City, Illinois Advanced America Cash Advance (Where the second “advance” means advance!) store. …and then remembered this: Ok, so that’s definitely Nate Dogg, who isn’t dead, and/or has now become a zombie. No word on Eazy E’s status as of yet, but he had AIDS…and um…AIDS even takes out zombies we figure, so he might just still be dead. [Read More]
granite city  nate dogg  robbery 

And the Award of Best Makeup in a Robbery Goes to…

 Posted on March 18, 2011  |  The Editor

This dude, who robbed a St. Charles gas station after going through all the trouble to make himself look like a mexican with a goatee despite the fact that we can see his white guy neck. The goatee looks really nice though…didn’t really color outside the lines at all! Maybe next time, think about going with the sombrero…really drive it home!

via KMOV

makeup  mexican  robbery  st charles 

St. Louis Machete Thief Doesn’t Get Far

 Posted on February 22, 2011  |  The Editor

The plan was perfect. Right at midnight, grab the machete, run in to the 7-Eleven, get the cash and jump back in the van. The machete was a really nice touch and will allow a lot of other sites to use stills from that movie of the same name as all-too-obvious graphic, but too bad the clerk saw your get away vehicle! [T]he clerk saw him get into a large white van, which drove away, police said. [Read More]
7-eleven  machete  robbery 

St. Charles Gas Station Clerks Scare Easily

 Posted on January 24, 2011  |  The Editor

A man attempted to rob an O’Fallon, Missouri gas station holding only box cutters…and it worked somehow. Authorities say a man walked into the Phillips 66, 2700 Technology Drive, near Interstate 64 about 10 a.m., threatened a clerk with box cutters and demanded cash. The man ran out with less than $200 and hopped into a car believed to be a Honda Civic waiting outside, authorities said. No one was hurt. [Read More]
box cutter  ofallon  robbery  st charles 

Don’t Put Down Your Gun When Robbing People

 Posted on November 12, 2010  |  The Editor

When you rob someone, don’t just pull the gun out, surprise them and then think it’s over. It’s not! Robbery not finished yet! You still have work to do! Just don’t put down the gun! The suspected robber, whose name has not been released, came to the home on Compton to use the phone, police said. He came there with a 20-year-old man he’d just met on Wednesday night. Inside the home on Compton was a 19-year-old man. [Read More]
gun  robbery  shooting 

Ugliest Woman Ever Wanted for St. Charles Robbery

 Posted on October 21, 2010  |  The Editor

Umm…is your bank robber bald? No, ok, see ya Bill. Are they a woman? Sweet, ok. Not Jim or Harry then. Maybe we’re looking for Anne…wait! Is your person horrible disfigured with a giant inhuman nose, creepy cheek bones, off-center eyes and lips like two pontoons? Yes? We know who you are now! This freak: Apparently Frankenstein up here took part in the robbery of a St. Charles payday loan joint and the police thing this retarded sketch is going to help them crack the case. [Read More]
robbery  sketch  st charles 

Taste the Rainbow and Then Stab a Guy

 Posted on October 6, 2010  |  The Editor

A convenience store in Imperial, MO in Jefferson County had an interesting story to tell Sunday night after one of their customers tried to steal a pack of Starbursts. The suspect isn’t very good at this whole stealing thing since the store clerk noticed the theft attempt and confronted the perp. During the confrontation, another dude pulled out a knife and threatened to kill the clerk… Quick reminder: We’re still talking about a pack of Starbursts… [Read More]
robbery  starburst  weird 

Oh THAT Woman Wearing a Turban. Yeah, I Know Her.

 Posted on September 30, 2010  |  The Editor

The perpetrator of last week’s armed robbery of a “cash store” (translation: ghetto bank) is still on the loose. In an effort to bring the criminal to justice, the Highland Police have released surveillance photos of her getaway car and a sketch of the subject. This is where we would be like “Bam!” and show it to you, but we freaking know you peeked! You already know the sketch is horrible. [Read More]
highland  robbery  sketch artist 

Some Hot Mess Robs Southern Commercial Bank

 Posted on September 17, 2010  |  The Editor

Holy crap! Not only do we have photo proof that Tyra Banks was recently in the St. Louis area, but she may have robbed a bank! Tyra?! Girl you crazy! The robbery happened at 2:20 p.m. Wednesday at 3207 Meramec Street. The man walked into the bank and demanded money before fleeing, according to FBI Special Agent Billy Cox. The man was described as a black male wearing a purple curly wig, a woman’s blouse with blue vertical stripes, gray pants and white shoes. [Read More]
bank  robbery  tyra banks