Officials say that the victim was walking west on Dr. Martin Luther King Drive when a maroon van occupied by a group of black men stopped. The suspect exited the van and demanded property.
The suspect took a bag from the victim containing a wallet and a camera before firing shots at the victim, striking him in the groin.
The victim is in stable condition and should be fine, but is this really where we are headed St. Louis? Shooting people in the dick? That’s just not cool at all. You don’t shoot people in the dick man. Everyone knows that. Everyone. Oh this asshole even shot the guy after he gave up his wallet! What kind of bullshit is that?! “Give me your wallet! Ok. [Dick shot]” Was his dick going to memorize your van’s plate number? Was it going to track you down in a revenge killing? Where you worried that one day in the future the guy would make a baby that would some day grow up and avenge his father’s wallet? …hmm, that last one might be a little valid…no, no, still not cool. Closer, but not cool.
You should never, ever shoot a guy in the dick…unless he’s really pissed you off or something or his dick was about to do something sneaky like hit a silent alarm or whatever. Other that those two things though…never! Maybe rape…ok, add rape on there. Those three things though, and that’s it.
You’re better than that maroon van thieves of St. Louis.