The below image describes pretty much every night for city dwellers between late June and mid July (the rest of the year, we’re pretty sure it’s gunfire):

We made this one, but here’s more of the “Fry Meme” if you’re interested.

Here’s what we learned from this story:

1. People don’t like to be pooped near.

2. Those same people don’t like being called racial slurs afterward.

Police say the 38-year old dog owner got into trouble when his dog relieved himself in the vicinity of a girl lying on the grass. The girl’s father and the dog owner exchanged words. Police say the dog owner, who is white, called the other man, who is black, a racial slur. Other black men in the park began to gather around.

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According to a study done by University of Missouri, the fatter your kid is, the crappier they are at math.

2 + 2 = “Do we have chips still?”

“The findings illustrate the complex relationships among children’s weight, social and emotional well-being, academics and time,” said Sara Gable, associate professor in the MU Department of Nutrition and Exercise Physiology, who led the study.

The study followed over six thousand kids from kindergarten to fifth grade, getting info from their families, school, physicals and tests along the way. The results show that the earlier the kids got fatter, the worse they were with math, social skills, the ability to quickly put on a pair of pants, and they developed a strong predilection to keeping their t-shirt on while swimming.

The Boston Public Library has posted a whole set of retro Missouri post cards on their Flickr page (Kids, you know when you’re trying to text a pic to someone and your AT&T phone is crazy slow because you’re in one of those random parts of town with a max of one bar? The message eventually gets to the person, but then you’re like “Oh yeah, I forgot I sent that.”? That’s basically what a “post card” is.), and they’re pretty great. Not sure why the Boston Public Library is doing the stuff the St. Louis Public Library should be doing on it’s own, but whatever. We’ll deal with them later.

The St. Louis Zoo was expecting the arrival of four harbor seals in time for the June 30th opening of the new “Sea Lion Sound” exhibit, but two of the sea lions died in the trip and had to be left at the Indianapolis Zoo as it was in need of medical treatment as well.

We guess hitchhiking from Canada isn’t as safe as it used to be.

The animals, two mother-daughter pairs, were examined before departure and checked frequently while in transit, said Steve Bircher, curator of mammals at the St. Louis Zoo.

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Everyone was all a-Twitter on Friday because of the news that a runaway deer was going crazy downtown, smashing in to buildings and then dying, appropriately enough, on Memorial Drive. It turns out that the deer came in to the city from his West County home, and then quickly became frustrated with the traffic and parking, before getting mugged and then freaked out when the random guard at the Metrolink entrance wouldn’t let him down the stairs because he didn’t have a ticket. “What? You buy tickets down there!” said the deer, but it was in a deer’s voice, so we’re not sure if he effectively made his point. That’s when he smashed in to the building in a rage and died.

Found near the Loop:

via [email protected]

During Washington Montessori School’s career day a police officer decided it would be fun to arrest a six-year old because when he asked him his name he gave the officer a “fake name”. In a effort to make a point about lying to the police, the officer cuffed the child and put him in the back of his squad car. Guess what happened…no don’t bother, the kid cried. Probably because he was nervous, but maybe because he had weed in his pocket, but either way he cried, and now his mom is pissed!

KMOX has a story about multiple kittens that were killed and then lined up in a Belleville, Illinois park:

[A woman] found the bodies of dead kittens, seven in all,- near some railroad tracks.

Their bodies were lined up all in a row.

According to police spokesman Sgt. Don Sax the kittens may have been killed “by an animal”, and were later discovered and lined up by someone, perhaps a child.

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St. Louis’ growing resume as the center of the chess universe grew by 14.5 feet yesterday as the world’s largest chess piece was unveiled at the World Chess Hall of Fame in the Central West End yesterday.

The king piece, which is 14.5 feet high and weighs 2,280 pounds, sits just outside the World Chess Hall of Fame. It was presented to promote the 2012 U.S. Chess Championships, which began on Tuesday and has been hosted by the club for the past four years.

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