16 days. That’s how long it takes for a broken wrist to heal. You take any longer than that and you’re just milking it you pussy. That’s not us talking mind you, it’s Albert Pujols and he can do that because he set the bar yesterday miraculously returning to the Cardinals just over two weeks from the day he bashed his wrist against the Royals’ Wilson Betemit.

A 3-year-old boy bouncing on a fourth-floor bed of a homeless bounced himself right out the window, landing on second floor deck roof and somehow escaped serious harm. Turns out all our mothers were right, you should totally not bounce on the bed. We hate when she’s right! We’re suddenly very aware of the amount of hairs growing on our palms.

The St. Louis Post-Dispatch reports the boy was bouncing on a bed Wednesday night at the Gateway 180 shelter when he fell through an open window. He landed on a roof deck of the second floor and escaped serious injury. He spent the night at Cardinal Glennon Children’s Hospital as a precaution.

[Read More]

It’s prom time, and high school girls all over the area are kneeling down only to be smacked in the face with some balls, but for one Festus girl, it wasn’t a euphemism this time:

Authorities said the 17-year-old girl threw the shot put and then went to retrieve it. Before she got completely out of the way, the next girl threw her shot.

The shot struck the girl on the side of the head. She was alert and conscious at the scene.

[Read More]

Wednesday morning the world learned of Cardinal ace right-hander, Adam Wainwright‘s “significant” elbow injury. The Cardinals are f*cked.

[Cardinals and general manager John] Mozeliak conceded that “things do not look encouraging” and called Wainwright’s condition “a significant injury.” Manager Tony La Russa called it “a huge hit.”

“It’s really difficult for Adam, really difficult, to go through this,” La Russa said. “He’s really an outstanding person and pro. I think he’s concerned about not putting in his piece, which is what you expect from him.”

[Read More]

An employee of the St. Louis Arch was pinned for 30 seconds between the south leg tram and the top of the shaft while working on electrical upgrades yesterday. I bet that hurt. One time we stubbed our town on the south leg of our coffee table and it hurt like hell. Like really hurt and still hurt the next day, probably just like this guy’s injury. The good news for him is that after two days we were fine and we got to limp around at work and make people ask us what happened. Yea! People talked to us!

[Update: Sadly, the kid died and they were hunting deer at the time.]

A 15-year old boy was hit in the face with an arrow just south of Eureka Thursday afternoon. In the face! The “shooter”…er…archer…is believed to be a 20-year-old neighbor and has been taken in to custody following the incident.

The grandparents of our crossed-eyed Robin Hood are claiming it was an accident, but what are they going to say? Even still, we believe them. A bow and arrow isn’t really a jump out, “Take that kid! Boosh! Arrow in the face!” kinda weapon. The only way to get hit in the face with an arrow is to look directly at the guy aiming his bow at you and stand still like an old-timey photograph for several minutes until he gets his crap together and fires one up your nose. That’s not smart, but unless we have the only 20-year-old crack archer since the 1500’s then its gotta be the ole “Hey lets see if I can hit this off your head.” deal.

Only the Rams could start a new “Fan Appreciation Day” and in the process, injure two fans while going for stinky gear from a stinky team.

Two “fans” fell out of the stands on Sunday while reaching for shoes that were tossed in to the stands by Rams players.

One left strapped to a gurney, but apparently Coach Spags seemed to think both fans were not seriously hurt at the press conference.  You know because they just use gurneys for things like scraped knees and boo-boos.