Brad Penny’s Girlfriend is Straight Bangin’ Yo

 Posted on January 27, 2010  |  The Editor

I feel like we let you down. We were right on top of Matt Holliday’s wife, but we missed new Cardinal starting pitcher Brad Penny’s sexier half! Luckily Cardinals Diaspora has it covered. Wait, Brad Penny? The Pitcher? I did a double take too, friends. But it’s true. And lucky for us he decided to take his babe to Turks & Caicos last week and have her play catch. On the beach. [Read More]
baseball  brad penny  broads  mlb 

Wheaties Fuel Box Features Pujols

 Posted on January 25, 2010  |  The Editor

What do you do when you product now seems old and the kids these days with their iPods and internets don’t respond to your marketing? Make it extreme! In this case, that means add a word that still technically means the same thing as eat but sounds awesome because generally its about cars. Wheaties Fuel! …oh and add Pujols to the box. Notice the reproduction of Pujol’s signature. That’s how you know he approves of it. [Read More]
albert pujols  baseball  mlb 

Former Cardinals Farmhand Stubby Clapp Carries Olympic Torch

 Posted on January 22, 2010  |  The Editor

There once was a man name Stubby Clapp you toiled away in the Cardinals minor league system, only briefly appearing in the majors in 2001. In 25 at-bats Clapp tallied 5 hits, 1 walk, 7 strike outs and 1 RBI giving him a .200 average. Nice. His fame in Memphis playing for the minor league Redbirds though knew no bounds and in fact his #10 is the only one ever to be retired by the team. [Read More]
baseball  cardinals  olympics  redbirds  stubby clapp 

You Won’t Miss Rick Ankiel, He’ll Be Back Every June as a Royal

 Posted on January 22, 2010  |  The Editor

Rick Ankiel has come to an agreement to play with cross-state pseudo-baseball team the Royals. Soon Royals fall in love with Rick’s ability to hit the occasional beautiful home run and the breeze in center field he provides on most at-bats for those steamy summer night games. Ankiel with make $3.25 million next year because he wasn’t very good last year and didn’t play that much. In a related story I once had a job I wasn’t very good at and only really showed up half the time, but they fired me and I still owed them money for the blue vest. [Read More]
baseball  mlb  rick ankiel  royals 

Kurt Warner Gets Rocked, Should Remember Where He is Friday, then Promptly Retire

 Posted on January 20, 2010  |  The Editor

I don’t care if you don’t like football. If you missed Kurt Warner getting rocked on Saturday in his playoff loss to the Saints, then you missed one of the year’s biggest hits. Let’s see…do I have video of this…oh! I sure do. Bam: After being awaken from that blow Warner he apparently thought he was a spy for the Saints in the third quarter and then after being taken out in the fourth he briefly thought he was Ming Li, a Vietimese prostitute. [Read More]
football  kurt warner  nfl 

Pujols is Proud of McGwire For Coming Out?!

 Posted on January 20, 2010  |  The Editor

Over the last weekend the national media descended on St. Louis for a chance to talk steroids with Tony LaRussa, Albert Pujols and of course Slightly-Less-Big Mac. Pujols had some really nice supportive things to say about McGwire to the press, but we can’t shake this feeling that Pujols is a little confused about what Mark confessed too exactly… Maybe not though. McGwire did seem pretty happy dancing with those “Single Ladies” in that video. [Read More]
albert pujols  baseball  gay  mark mcgwire  mlb  steroids 

Video: Rams Fans Eating Turf at Last Game of Season

 Posted on January 15, 2010  |  The Editor

We already talked about this, but we found the video and just had to share.

Turns out after this incident occured the Rams said it was all on purpose!  They claim the two fans signed up for something called the “Rams Quaterback Experience” which entails you getting badly hurt while an actual Rams offensive lineman watches.

fans  hurt  morons  nfl  rams 

Rick Ankiel Calls Super-Agent Scott Boras

 Posted on January 14, 2010  |  The Editor

[Ring! … Ring! … Ring!] Scott Boras: Hello? Rick Ankiel: Hey! How have you been? SB: Uh, good. Who’s this? RA: Ha! Yeah…so haven’t heard from you in a while. SB: I know…I’ve been busy. Seriously, who is this? RA: Rick! Rick Ankiel. SB: Oh yeah! Sorry…you know…bad connection. How’s the old pitching arm kid?! RA: Scott, remember? I’m an outfielder now. SB: …oh yeah. Real shame about that. RA: Yeah, so anyway…great job with Matt Holliday by the way. [Read More]
baseball  cardinals  mlb  rick ankiel  scott boras 

We Feel Bad for the One Guy that Was Apparently Surprised by the Mark McGwire News

 Posted on January 13, 2010  |  The Editor

We here at Punching Kitty headquarters weren’t exactly surprised by Monday’s revelation that former home run champ and current St. Louis Cardinals batting coach Mark McGwire finally came clean, admitting that he did in fact take steroids during his career. However we can’t say that about everyone. One South County Cardinals fan apparently fell back against the wall clutching his chest while whispering “dios mio!” to himself like some old Latina woman. [Read More]
craigslist  mark mcgwire  morons  steroids 

McGwire to Everyone: “Oh THOSE Steroids! Yeah, I Took Those. Sorry.”

 Posted on January 12, 2010  |  The Editor

In a story about as shocking as the day Rosie ODonnell came out of the closet, today St. Louis Cardinals hitting coach and former home run champ Mark McGwire confessed he took steroids during his major league career, including 1998. Which of course is the year that JD Drew first played major league baseball…oh and he and some crazy black guy hit a bunch of home runs. McGwire said he also used human growth hormone, and he didn’t know if his use of performance-enhancing drugs contributed to some of the injuries that led to his retirement, at age 38, in 2001. [Read More]
baseball  cardinals  mark mcgwire  mlb  steroids