Brad Penny’s Girlfriend is Straight Bangin’ Yo

I feel like we let you down.  We were right on top of Matt Holliday’s wife, but we missed new Cardinal starting pitcher Brad Penny’s sexier half!

Luckily Cardinals Diaspora has it covered.

Wait, Brad Penny? The Pitcher?

I did a double take too, friends. But it’s true. And lucky for us he decided to take his babe to Turks & Caicos last week and have her play catch.

On the beach.

In a bikini.

Here’s to you Brad Penny.  We always thought you looked like the guy from SmashMouth but apparently that works for some broads.  In fact it worked on Alyssa Milano.  Who looks like this:

Jesus, its like this guys privates are made of dark chocolate.

In a related story Ray King recently drew a face on a pillow and named it Sarah.