You Can’t Stop Us From Roasting Tony LaRussa
Posted on December 17, 2010
| The Editor
We’re hearing talk of a Celebrity Roast of Tony LaRussa, everyone’s favorite/least favorite Cardinal manager. “We’ve love to roast Tony! We graciously accept your invitation.” …is what we would have said had it not got lost in the mail or something. No matter! We can roast him whenever we want with the power of the internet! What we would have said is below. Read that while we go search for weird porn (the other power of the internet).
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Cardinals Finally Find a Sucker to Take Brendan Ryan Off Their Hands
Posted on December 13, 2010
| The Editor
The St. Louis Cardinals finally managed to get rid of that Brendan Ryan they’ve had laying around their house for a while now taking up space. Derrick Goold from STLToday had the announcement:
The club traded their incumbent starting shortstop to the Seattle Mariners in exchange for High-A righthanded starter Maikel Cleto. The club confirmed the move this afternoon with an announcement.
Ryan became expendable for the Cardinals after they acquired infielder Ryan Theriot from the Los Angeles Dodgers last month.
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The Cardinals Welcome Former Astro Lance Berkman
Posted on December 6, 2010
| The Editor
Teammates and the press call him “Big Puma”, “Fat Elvis” or maybe just Lance, but now he’s also called a Cardinal after Lance Berkman signed a one year, $8 Million dollar deal.
[Berkman] The 34-year-old first baseman-outfielder is a five-time NL All-Star with the Astros and last year batted .248 with Houston and the New York Yankees, finishing with 14 homers and 58 RBIs. Berkman was traded to the Yankees on July 31 and helped them win the wild card.
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What Will Happen With Pujols?
Posted on December 3, 2010
| The Editor
That’s the big question for the Cardinals and their fans this offseason: What will happen with Albert Pujols, arguably major league baseball’s best player, and who is less than a year from being a free agent and possibly leaving the Cardinals.
The guys at Cards Diaspora asked this question to some knowledgable and handsome folks and complied their answers in their post…what’s this? Is our fearless editor, the ruggedly handsome and slighty more popular than the WikiLeaks guy, Mike Flynn included in the list of notables as Tim McKernan and Deadspin’s Wil Leitch?
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Cardinals Prepare to Ship Out Shortstop Brendan Ryan
Posted on December 2, 2010
| The Editor
The quirky Cardinals shortstop that’s had a permanent reservation at Tony LaRussa‘s dog house appears to be on his way out of St. Louis. After the Cardinals acquired ex-Cub Ryan Theriot from the Dodgers, the writing has been on the wall for Brendan Ryan, the mustachioed gentleman in the photo to the right taken a year ago when one of the local clubs had its douchebag collection on public display.
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Kurt Warner Turns Judas to Rams Fan Acolytes
Posted on November 30, 2010
| The Editor
Kurt Warner won a Super Bowl for the Rams and a probable Disney movie with his ultimate St. Louis scrappy life story. We don’t remember all the details since no one mentioned it much…pretty sure it had something to do with stocking shelves at HyVee, football and praying to Jesus/Cthulhu that Trent Green would get hurt (totally worked!). Eh. Not important. The important thing is that he is a Rams legend and not matter how many random stops he did along down the final path to retirement, he will always be a Ram.
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Broncos Let Rams Have Win Because They Played One Hell of a First Half
Posted on November 29, 2010
| The Editor
It just seemed fair. We made it close you know? But in the end, we gave the Rams their first road win. Plus their coaches were really are very good for half the game, but we could see them starting to cry in the 4th quarter calling all those runs. — An anonymous Denver player we made up.
Yes, our young little Rams managed an elusive win on the road yesterday in Denver, but the victory wasn’t exactly clean.
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Pujols Gets 2MVP (2nd Most Valuable Player) Award for 2010 Season
Posted on November 23, 2010
| The Editor
The Cardinals’ Albert Pujols lost the vote for the 2010 National League MVP, coming in second to the Reds’ Joey Votto, but did get his 8th consecutive top 10 finish, putting him only behind Barry “Yeah, right there. Shove it in my ass!” Bonds who had 9.
Though Pujols was next in line, the vote was hardly close with Pujols only getting one 1st place vote. A vote that ESPN.com made sure to call out the scribe that cast it:
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Rams WR Danario Alexander Gets an iPad
Posted on November 19, 2010
| The Editor
You know they might end up selling a few of these iPads. Sure sales have been “slow” up until now, but with the release of the new promotional shot with hobbled Rams wide receiver Danario Alexander that was tweeted out last night Apple should be prepping for a real sales crush.
On the way out of the store Danario, the former Mizzou wide out and frequent Twitterer, was nice enough to pose with his new purchase for the employees and then walked out the door, turned right and torn a tendon in his knee.
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A Giant Knob: 2011 Cardinals Ticket Pricing to be “Dynamic”
Posted on November 19, 2010
| The Editor
The St. Louis Cardinals have announce that starting with next season their tickets will all be “dynamically priced” based on a variety of options:
Utilizing advanced computer programming linked to its new ticketing system, the Cardinals will have the ability to adjust ticket prices upward or downward on a daily basis based on changing factors such as team performance, pitching matchups, and the weather.
Unmentioned in the press release was the fact that the “advanced computer programming” is actually a giant knob in Bill Dewitt’s office marked “Ticket Prices”.
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