Erik McBee is a 15 year-old from Phoenix who was trying fly to see his grandparents in Tulsa, which is such a cute little story, until you find out that this kid slept through the part when he was supposed to get off the damn plane, and ended up in St. Louis. He then proceeded to leave the airport, wander around until some lady drove him to the Florissant Police Station where is was placed back on a flight to Phoenix.

Police are investigating a pair of bones that were discovered on land owned by Lambert Airport, it is not known if the bones are human or just, boringly, animal.

The bones were found in a vacant field near Scudder and Mable Avenue. The property is in Kinloch but is owned by Lambert Airport.

A St. Louis City official said the airport hired a contractor to clean up the lot because it had been used as an illegal dumping ground.

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No injuries to people or planes, but yesterday one taxing plane bumped in to another on the tarmac.

Hamm-Niebrugge says a Philadelphia-bound Embraer was preparing to de-ice when the second plane, an Airbus about to fly to Charlotte, N.C., pulled up and clipped the horizontal bar in the tail area of the Embraer.

It’s being called a “minor” collision by airport authorities, but they have pulled both planes back for inspection. After all, if you have to giant heavy object slamming in to each other, rarely does anything good come out of it. Take for instance the show Roseanne. Roseanne Barr paired with John Goodman?! TV sitcoms are supposed to take me away to a fun pseudo-reality land, not transport me to the Troy, MO Wal-Mart so I can watch a giant fat couple literally sweat out the decision on how many double-stuff Oreo packages they should buy to wait out the snow storm. Roseanne was a horrible show. The most fat and unfunny thing we’d seen since the first time we saw Roseanne Barr.

Penny Moroney was going through security to get on her flight back home to Chicago when the her artificial knee set off the metal detector. The TSA staff on duty gave her two choices: Stay in St. Louis (and probably get shot or robbed) or take part in the new “invasive” pat down.

Her gloved hands touched my breasts…went between them.

Woah.

Then she went into the top of my slacks,

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Next spring, Lambert Airport will install two art pieces in both the A and C concourses consisting of a series of glass panels. Here’s hoping some pink glass will make you smile after you just refused the invasive naked scanners and were thusly molested by a short sweaty fat guy with an attitude in a uniform two times too small.

“The nine art glass screens will make a bold statement and have a very strong visual presence,” McGuire said.

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#1 New York (JFK, LaGuarida, Newark)

#2 Los Angeles

#3 St. Louis

#4 Washington D.C.

#5 Boston

Those are the five worst airports in these United States, as voted on by the readers of “Travel and Leisure”.  Hey, at least its not about crime this time!

Maybe folks just miss TWA: its old home, Lambert-St. Louis International Airport, is dreary to AFC readers on a number of fronts. It ranks last for its airline clubs—you’ll find only one American Admirals Club—and its food and shopping rank 28th and 29th, respectively. Plus, you’ll pay $8 for WiFi.

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From the Globe Democrat:

Despite recent tensions between the U.S. and China, the governor warmly received China’s ambassador to the U.S. at a discussion of a trade partnership marked by little tangible progress.

The two officials are looking to make Lambert Airport in St. Louis the Midwestern hub of air cargo transport between China and the U.S., but did not provide specifics or expand upon previous announcements.

So you’re saying there’s a good chance I might be able to get a straight flight from St. Louis to China, but I have to make two layovers to get to New York?