Chicago Woman Cries Sexual Assault from Lambert Airport Screening

Penny Moroney was going through security to get on her flight back home to Chicago when the her artificial knee set off the metal detector. The TSA staff on duty gave her two choices: Stay in St. Louis (and probably get shot or robbed) or take part in the new “invasive” pat down.

Her gloved hands touched my breasts…went between them.


Then she went into the top of my slacks,

Mmmm. Ok, ok. Slow down now, there’s no need to rush.

…inserted her hands between my underwear and my skin

Nice. Nice. *pours a glass of wine* Go on.

…then put her hands up on outside of slacks, and patted my genitals.

Weird ending, but nice. Was it good for you Penny?

“I was shaking and crying when I left that room” Moroney says.  “Under any other circumstance, if a person touched me like that without my permission, it would be considered criminal sexual assault.”

It’s ok, we always cry at the end too. We’ve been told it’s normal.

When asked for a comment the TSA said “Security is our priority and besides, it’s her fault for having a fake knee, wanting to fly and probably being a terrorist that keeps bombs between her boobs. You’ve won this round Penny, but one of these times we’ll pat your snizz and find the bomb you put there. What then?”

Ok, that was a fake comment, but it out of all the joke comments we’ve done it easily had the best chance of being real with these TSA nuts.

via KMOV