St. Louis Regains Title of Most Dangerous City!

We we did it everyone! We managed to steal, stab and shoot our way back to the top of the Most Dangerous City rankings. How’s about that “Midwest Hospitality” now, huh?!

The study by CQ Press found St. Louis had 2,070.1 violent crimes per 100,000 residents, compared with a national average of 429.4. That helped St. Louis beat out Camden, which topped last year’s list and was the most dangerous city for 2003 and 2004.

Read that shiz again: St. Louis had a “score” of 2,070.1 violent crimes per 100,000 people. The national average is 429.4.

2,070.1 versus 429.4! Which translates to the fact that St. Louis has 5 times more violent crime than the national average. Five. Five! Would you like to comment Mr. Mayor?

Yup, he’s right, there sure are a lot of ads in the newspaper during the holiday season. Oh, by the way, The Riverfront Times has been counting the murders this year and it’s up to 115, and keep in mind, that’s just murders. Between the stabbings, the shootings and the break-ins, this the fine people of St. Louis get more stuff forced in to them they don’t want than an alter boy in the Vatican…but yeah, those ads in the newspaper, sure are a burden.

Ok…ok…that was cheap. Let’s give Mayor Slay(ings) a real shot. Here’s the actual comment on the city’s new ranking that probably won’t be showing up in the new SLU recruitment pamphlet:

Kara Bowlin, spokeswoman for St. Louis Mayor Francis Slay, said the city actually has been getting safer over the last few years. She said crime in St. Louis has gone down each year since 2007, and so far in 2010, St. Louis crime is down 7 percent.

Wow. That’s great! 7 percent is a lot! No, wait. It’s not. Allow us to debunk: If we had say, oh round numbers, 10,000 violent crimes in St. Louis, that would make the national average, roughly, 2,000. Which makes us look like Gotham city when the walls fall down on Arkham Asylum. Now what if Commissioner Gordon said, “Hey, its not that bad! We just saved 7% of those people!” …bringing our number from 10k to 9,300, or 4.65 times the national average, which is…and here’s some technical jargon so try to hang in there…still really really shitty. If you’re happy with 7 percent, you suck. We need a Mayor that gives a crap about crime and this jackass isn’t it.

What about the police department?

Erica Van Ross, spokeswoman for the St. Louis Police Department, called the rankings irresponsible.

“Crime is based on a variety of factors. It’s based on geography, it’s based on poverty, it’s based on the economy,” Van Ross said.

“That is not to say that urban cities don’t have challenges, because we do,” Van Ross said. “But it’s that it’s irresponsible to use the data in this way.”

How are they irresponsible? It’s not as though St. Louis is more poor or has a worse economy than lots of other places (freaking Detroit!). If you mean they’re “irresponsible” because they make your office look like they can’t handle their business, then yes, I guess we agree. Numbers are numbers, they don’t lie. There’s zero chance that you can make it to the top of this list without sucking ass in crime.

Van Ross is right in some ways though. Each city has other issues that may or may not make it more or less dangerous than the next city. Lets look at the top 10 with their “excuses” listed to the left:

10. Birmingham, AL – Constant arguing if that slavery thing is still cool.

9. Gary, IN – Everyone’s pissed they live in Gary, IN.

8. Compton, CA – _It’s all Debo from Friday._

7. Cleveland, OHThe Drew Carey Show had them all feeling like they were somebody and then he did that stupid “Who’s Line Is It Anyway?” show and now their confused and pissed off.

6. Richmond, CADebo’s mom lives here with his cousin.

5. Oakland, CAIt’s freaking Oakland.

4. Flint, MINear Detroit.

3. Detroit, MIEven closer to Detroit. Like really close.

2. Camden, NJThe mob.

1. St. Louis, MOThe city doesn’t give a crap, instead choosing to fight with the police over who is their boss and take money from their budget, allowing them only the protect the areas that have commercial properties that give the city sales tax.

One last thing worth noting is that New York is #269. If they could clean up New York, someone should be able to clean up St. Louis.

via AP

P.S. St. Louis, in all of its stock Arch photo glory, made Gawker’s front page: