The 19-year old pictured above wearing his awesome wig, Darrion Taylor, was recently apprehended at the Alton Shop ‘N Save by the store’s security guard and his off-duty policeman father who was visiting the store that the time.

Taylor was trying to sneak out the following pork products totaling roughly $44 dollars:

• 2 packages of Pork Picnic Roast
• 2 packages of bacon
• 2 packages of Oreos
• 1 box of Peanut Butter Puffs cereal
• 1 package of “meat”
• 1 package of port shanks
• 1 package of Bar-S Jumbo Franks

From the looks of it also appears homeboy was smuggling a few hams in his shirt, but he may have had them already as KSDK didn’t list them in the oddly intricate details they provided for some reason. $44 dollars worth of pork products and being busted by a father and son team is all it takes to “earn” a local news report these days? The KSDK report even had people calling the arrest “heroic”, despite describing the takedown as following the guy in to the parking lot, telling him to stop, and then pulling his chubby ass out of the car he tried to get in to. How hard was it to catch this kid? He’s a fat guy wearing a wig! This didn’t need an act of heroism and a prime-time KSDK report, it needed a box, some bacon, a stick and some twine:

It took three firefighters to disloge this large woman and her motorized wheelchair from the mud when she tried to take her ass through a sloppy field while chasing her dog.

The only that would make this photo of three trained firemen lifting her ass out of her chair so they can also carry that to dry land any more amazing would be an orphanage burning down in the background.

Police are investigating the area in East Alton where human remains were found Thursday morning. The crime scene is located at Broadway and Route 3 near QuikTrip. You know those QuikTrip churos look like they might be safe rolling around in that heating rolling thing, but those things…those things should just really be left alone.

More than 30 investigators and Cadaver dogs searched the scene where the parts were discovered.

[Read More]

Scott Simmons, a 46 year old man from Alton, Illinois has been arrested after “hundreds of files” of kiddie p0rn were found on his computer. KMOV didn’t say how the child pornography was found, but after looking at his mugshot he probably either took it in to a Best Buy to get it fixed and forgot to change his little boy in the Donald Duck outfit wallpaper or simply ran around Alton yelling “Me likey the kiddies!”

William Fry of Alton has been charged with Criminal Damage to Property Over $300 and violating a restraining order. Also, if anyone has a comb…no? That’s alright. Thanks for looking.

Authorities say Fry’s ex-wife reported to police that extensive damage was done to her home. She was away from her home when the damage was done.

Authorities said the damage appeared to have been done by a vehicle being driven into the home. Evidence from Fry’s vehicle gave police the probable cause to take him into custody.

[Read More]

Yesterday in Alton, IL a three-year old body walked over to an open second story window with no screen and fell out on to a concrete slab below.

A three-year-old boy had to be rushed to the hospital Tuesday afternoon after falling from the second-story window of his family’s apartment.

According to Captain Williams of the Alton Fire Department, the incident happened at 1:40 p.m. at an apartment complex in the 300 block of Mitchell Street

[Read More]