Some Fat Kid in Wig Tried to Steal a Bunch of Pork Products From the Alton Shop N Save

Some Fat Kid in Wig Tried to Steal a Bunch of Pork Products From the Alton Shop N Save

The 19-year old pictured above wearing his awesome wig, Darrion Taylor, was recently apprehended at the Alton Shop ‘N Save by the store’s security guard and his off-duty policeman father who was visiting the store that the time.

Taylor was trying to sneak out the following pork products totaling roughly $44 dollars:

  • 2 packages of Pork Picnic Roast
  • 2 packages of bacon
  • 2 packages of Oreos
  • 1 box of Peanut Butter Puffs cereal
  • 1 package of “meat”
  • 1 package of port shanks
  • 1 package of Bar-S Jumbo Franks

From the looks of it also appears homeboy was smuggling a few hams in his shirt, but he may have had them already as KSDK didn’t list them in the oddly intricate details they provided for some reason. $44 dollars worth of pork products and being busted by a father and son team is all it takes to “earn” a local news report these days? The KSDK report even had people calling the arrest “heroic”, despite describing the takedown as following the guy in to the parking lot, telling him to stop, and then pulling his chubby ass out of the car he tried to get in to. How hard was it to catch this kid? He’s a fat guy wearing a wig! This didn’t need an act of heroism and a prime-time KSDK report, it needed a box, some bacon, a stick and some twine:

Sure you might also catch a few Raccoons, but just tell the security guard to only pull on the twine if you see the glint of a cheap wig with blonde highlights. That will limit your catches to just Taylor and feral hookers that have escaped from PT’s

Taylor is being held on a $20,000 bond after it was found that he had been previously banned from the Shop ‘N Save before for stealing items such as various other food products and the sex drive of anyone in eye-shot.

via KSDK