Another man was gunned down at a MetroLink station last Friday, but lets not focus on that says a MetroLink spokesman, lets focus on all the times people don’t die! Pay no attention to the woefully inadequate security guard, security is fine!

Metro officials say they spend millions each year on security, with dispatchers monitoring all 37 platforms all day and night.

Quoting how much you spend each year isn’t a good defense to the argument that security sucks…it just proves you wasted a lot of money during the suckage.

David Lee Sperry was charged yesterday in the murder of Kenneth Ray Vaughn, who was found dead on January 10th after being shot in the head and set on fire. He also had no relation to singer Stevie Ray Vaughn but clearly didn’t mind the questions enough to stop using his middle name of Ray, but also didn’t go all the way by calling himself Kenny Ray Vaughn…but maybe he did because they always use your full name after your dead, like all of a sudden your own personal name preferences don’t count. It’s the worst thing about dying, probably. Well not for Kenneth. He was shot and then burned by a guy that looks like a zombie Art Garfunkel (right)…not current bald Art Garfunkel, but if Art Garfunkel from the 70’s was turned in to a zombie. …What? You don’t like that reference? You think it’s a stretch?! That may be, but don’t start thinking you’re special living in a world where zombie jokes are cool, but they cross the line at time travel?! F*ck you. You try thinking of 1,982 different ways of making a guy getting killed in to a funny joke! Take it from us buddy, eventually you’d get to a point where zombie oldies references seem like a pretty good idea!

That smiling face you see above belongs to 19-year-old Chtonia Battle. Ms Battle was being charged for the murder of 53-year-old, “super nice guy” Benny Hill. Chtonia reportedly drug Hill from the van he was driving to work, stabbed him in the neck and left him to die, bleeding in the street.

Chtonia Battle is the worst kind of person. She shouldn’t even be counted as a person…”Chtonia” certainly shouldn’t count as a name, so it’s really not that much of a stretch. Kinda feel like maybe she was trying to rob Hill for the vowels in his name as she clearly needs at least one.

Hey anyone know what Jordan Prince is up to these days? Probably just out in St. Charles looking weird and strangling babies because they have the nerve to be all loud when you’re trying to eat a box of Little Debbie Swiss Rolls. You know how he do!!

According to reports, Jordan L. Prince, 24, was charged with first-degree endangering the welfare of a child and second-degree murder on Thursday.

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John Cunningham shot Lessie Lowe over an argument about whether what they were cooking were pork steaks or pork chops. Clearly this is a serious matter, so lets settle this right now before anyone else has to die:

Pork Steaks are cut from the Boston Butt, or Pork Shoulder. Sometimes they are even cut from the fresh ham (hind quarter), but not often. Pork Chops are cut from the Loin and they may be presented boneless or bone-in. Pork Chops are normally more tender than the Pork Steaks.

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We noticed this headline last night on KMOV.com, but after a second we realized we always notice this headline on KMOV.com.  Think of the time it saves to just always have this same headline on the home page! If someone calls you on it you’re only wrong for a max of like 30 minutes. It’s brilliant.

[Editor’s Note: So since the time of this story’s writing last night, another story broke about a baby being found dead in a dumpster. Certainly a sad story, and one we may cover in a separate post. However, if you feel yourself getting pissy on this story simply because the word “dumpster” is a common thread, take a deep breath and read our story, slowly, so it sinks in, past the crazy parts of your brain. The post below uses St. Louis’ focus on random trash dumping to illustrate it’s lack of focus on violent crime where the real problem is…I wish we could think of an example of violent crime we need to stop…oh yeah, how about a freaking baby being found in a dumpster! This morning’s news is sad and odd in the way it lines up with my example here, but if anything, it strengthens my point. Feel free to hate it/us if you’d like to still remain crazy though.]

In a report by Blythe Bernhard on STLToday.com:

Youths in the city are killed by gun violence more often than in any other city except New Orleans, according to federal data released Thursday.

…and New Orleans doesn’t really count since it’s like those tennis shoes that got really wet one weekend. Sure you kept them, but you’re not wearing them any more even after they dried out because now they smell funny.

Quintin Gray was found guilty and sentenced to 25 years for beating his girlfriend’s 3-year-old little girl to death back in early 2008. Gray is now appealing that charge and though he isn’t exactly refuting the vicious beating he laid on the little girl, he is offering a reason as to why the beating happened.

He was trying to give the girl CPR and he just isn’t very good at it! Apparently the line between firm thrusts to the chest the for resuscitation of a child is just one bad instruction from punching her in the face repeatedly and whipping her with a belt.

The killer was trying to hide in Chicago, but St. Louis police found and charged him with first-degree murder, stemming from a altercation five year ago. Andre McAfee is accused of killing Charles Barnes in early 2006 by beating him repeatedly with a skillet.

Court documents say McAfee hit Barnes in the head and on his body with the skillet several times, and that McAfee’s DNA was found on the handle of the blood-covered skillet that was found next to Barnes’ body.

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