David Lee Sperry Shot a Guy and then Lit Him on Fire

David Lee Sperry was charged yesterday in the murder of Kenneth Ray Vaughn, who was found dead on January 10th after being shot in the head and set on fire. He also had no relation to singer Stevie Ray Vaughn but clearly didn’t mind the questions enough to stop using his middle name of Ray, but also didn’t go all the way by calling himself Kenny Ray Vaughn…but maybe he did because they always use your full name after your dead, like all of a sudden your own personal name preferences don’t count. It’s the worst thing about dying, probably. Well not for Kenneth. He was shot and then burned by a guy that looks like a zombie Art Garfunkel (right)…not current bald Art Garfunkel, but if Art Garfunkel from the 70’s was turned in to a zombie. …What? You don’t like that reference? You think it’s a stretch?! That may be, but don’t start thinking you’re special living in a world where zombie jokes are cool, but they cross the line at time travel?! F*ck you. You try thinking of 1,982 different ways of making a guy getting killed in to a funny joke! Take it from us buddy, eventually you’d get to a point where zombie oldies references seem like a pretty good idea!

Where were we?!

Why are we yelling?!

Oh yeah!

The victim, Kenneth Ray Vaughn, 68, was found dead on Jan. 10. His handyman, David Lee Sperry, was charged Tuesday with first-degree murder, first-degree arson and armed criminal action.

Police found Busch beer cans containing gasoline inside Vaughn’s mobile home.

Ah, no. This happens to people all the time officers, but you’re just assuming those Busch beer cans were filled with gasoline because Busch beer tastes and smells like gasoline. Honest mistake.

The cans had the tabs removed. Officers suspect the cans were used to pour the gas on Vaughn inside his mobile home in the 6400 block of Pawnee Drive.

When Sperry was arrested, he had 16 can tabs in his jeans pocket and told police that tearing them off was a habit.

Good story. Should have stuck with the sounds of silence if you know what we mean! Ha!

…if you don’t know what we meant, it was another Art Garfunkel reference.

Shut up.

via STLToday