St. Louis’ Grinch Enjoys the Crack Cocaine

As we all know it’s a rough time out there for everyone, but the economy is hitting the crack heads the hardest. Find out what one Belleville woman sold to get herself a little taste right after the weather!

It’s cold, rainy and totally sucks.

Cool, one Belleville woman is behind bars tonight after selling her children’s Christmas gifts to purchase crack.

Sheriff’s Capt. Steven Johnson said Bauers, the mother of two young sons, stole about $1,000 worth of toys and gifts that the children’s grandmother bought last week. [Sandra J. Bauers] then sold the gifts to buy crack, he said.

To be fair, your kids will be your kids for like forever, but crack is a right now, “I totally need it to kill the bugs crawling under my skin.” kinda thing.

It gets worse though…

[The children’s grandmother, Pamela Gyon] said her husband is fighting cancer and is on disability. He received his monthly disability check last week and Gyon went shopping for the grandkids. Gyon bought about $1,000 in presents for the children, intending to let Bauers give some of them to her two sons as if she had purchased them.

On Thursday night, after the shopping spree, Bauers slept over at the grandmother’s home in the 100 block of Pecan Lane, in unincorporated St. Clair County. They kept the presents in the grandmother’s vehicle so the kids wouldn’t see them, Johnson said.

The next morning, the 4-year-old boy woke up, looking for his mother. Bauers was gone — and so was the grandmother’s car full of gifts.

Holy crap. Wait wait wait…it gets worse…er…

“Sandra is driving, and in her right hand is a crack pipe,” Johnson said. “She admits she sold all of the presents. She sold some of the stuff to a crack house. She sold some at a pawn shop/liquor store at 15th and Missouri in East St. Louis. She sold some on the street.”

The gifts included children’s toys, figurines, clothing, blankets, DVDs.

“We had Nerf machine guns, the big ones. Lots of t-shirts and jeans and socks and underwear. Pillow pets,” said the grandmother, Gyon.

Nice plug for Pillow Pets, but…yeah…there’s more…

The gifts were not only for Bauers’ two children, they were for all of the grandmother’s five grandchildren and one great-niece.

…and more…

And what kind of Christmas will the grandkids have now?

“None,” the grandmother says flatly. “We’re on disability and we don’t get paid again until January.”

Anyone else imagining this lady Grinch-style with the way over-stuffed bag of toys staring down a little sad Whovillian?

While sitting in jail late last night, crackhead Sandra J. Bauers thought about all the Christmases she’d ruined and as she thought about it her heart grew ten times it’s size that night…and then she died…crack abuse can give you Cardiomegaly, so she’s dead. Real human hearts don’t just grow like that because of love, you dumbass, and secondly how the hell can something grow big enough to break the xray scope?! Makes no sense at all. In fact, we’re starting to think this Dr. Seuss isn’t really all that much of a doctor after all!

(She’s not really dead. She’s still alive and horrible and all about the crack, but that’s not as funny as sticking to the Grinch theme.)

via STLToday and every child’s nightmares