Anheuser-Bush Inbev Readies New Beer, Hipster Readies Tumblr Blog About How it Sucks

Anheuser-Bush Inbev is planning to release a new variant of the Bud Light brand that is sweeter and with a higher alcohol percentage. Initial marketing documents uncovered by Punching Kitty had the beer being marketed as “Zima” but in the end it appears they decided to work off the current in-house trademarks.

Bud Light Platinum will come in a cobalt blue bottle and it will be 6 percent alcohol by volume, compared with Bud Light’s 4.2 percent, the company said.

The brewer said Thursday that the new, sweeter-tasting product will hit shelves in late January and offer a more upscale option for drinkers of light beer.

The new sweeter, get you drunker faster, beer is sure to be popular with gay people, girl people, underage people, and straight dudes who will try it and think to themselves _Now see…that, is delightful. It’s just sweet and it’s not too heavy. It really just says… [Makes eye contact with other guy at bar.] _ … “What is this crap?! Stupid…chick…dumb beer for sissies who like deliciousness. Does anyone have a football?! Lets throw that around or talk about hot broads or sports that don’t involve Penn State! High five!”

via KMOX