Cardinals Hire Mike Matheny As Manager, Rams Something Something

Cardinals Hire Mike Matheny As Manager, Rams Something Something

The St. Louis Rams won Sunday! Yea! This is somewhat important news unless something else happens!

It was strange and ugly, befitting the status of two teams with a combined record for 4-12 entering the game. But the Rams were beneficiaries of rare good fortune, with a potential game-winning field goal by Cleveland going awry on a fouled up…

Woah! Shut up Jim Thomas! No one cares about the Rams accidentally winning a game because the Cardinals just did something: Gutsy ex-catcher Mike Matheny is the new manager!

Embracing organizational ties and intangibles over dugout experience, the Cardinals have hired former Gold Glove catcher Mike Matheny to succeed Tony La Russa as manager.

The Cardinals are really hoping the Rams don’t win any more games this year, as they’re not sure what crazy news they’re going to have to announce to white out over a third Rams win as it is. Sign Pujols? Make up a fourth mascot (Fred Bird, Puma, Rally Squirrel, …)? Move the team to East St. Louis? Actually say something not totally inane on their Twitter account? Eh. We wouldn’t bother spending much time thinking about that, and fill the time thinking about stuff that has a better chance of happening…like suggestions on where we should buy new pants after our penis enlargement pills start to kick in.

via STLToday (x2) and ESPN