Random Gunfire Moves to St. Charles County

Last night at around 7p a 16-year-old lifeguard at O’Fallon, MO’s Twin Chimneys Subdivision Pool was caught in the leg by a stray bullet.

O’Fallon, Missouri police said the teen was hit in her upper leg while she was on the pool deck at Twin Chimneys Subdivision Pool on Sunday around 6:45 p.m.

She was treated for minor injuries and was taken to an area hospital.

Police do not know where the bullet came from, but said it could have been fired “a significant distance away” from the subdivision.

We know where it came from: Random Gunfire.

Random Gunfire, a city mainstay, as decided to move out to St. Charles County, like many before him, because of the high crime rate and poor schools. O’Fallon, MO, which was recently named as one of the “best places to live” in some list, seemed like a great place so Random Gunfire went over the weekend to check it out. How did he travel over there? You guessed it Metrolink, 2 busses and a cab. “It would have been easier to get here if MetroLink just went all the way out.” Random Gunfire claimed, solidifying all the fears of St. Charles County voters.

To be clear, no one likes Random Gunfire. He’s kind of a dick. Good luck O’Fallon! Make sure that magazine that made that list doesn’t find out or listen to our voicemail we just left about this.

In a related story, Random Dismemberment and Burnings has decided he still wants to just keep his home base in East St. Louis.

via KSDK