Cubs Epic Suckiness Finally Forces Lou Piniella to Retire

The Cubs are horrible even when they should be good, but managed to do what many teams haven’t been able to do: Take the fun out of the game for Lou Piniella, as “Sweet” Lou  announced that this season will be his last as a major league manager, retiring after 18 years as a player and 22 as a manager.

“It’s been a wonderful experience,” he said. “There’s no way that I won’t cherish the memories here.”

There’s why they call him “Sweet”. He’s a liar though. Lou did the best he could in his tenure as Cubs manager, but jesus man: Milton Bradly, Carlos Zambrano, all the sucking…it had to have been frustrating as hell for someone who was one hell of a player and a great manager for so long to put up with crap like that.

“I’m proud of our accomplishments during my time here and this will be a perfect way for me to end my career,” he said. “But let me make one thing perfectly clear: Our work is far from over. I want to keep the momentum going more than anything else and win as many games as we can to get back in this pennant race.”

Translation: “It’s over. I mean it’s no “over”, but it’s over. You can’t say it’s over though, even if it is. It’s totally over though.”

We always loved Lou Piniella as a manager. Kicking stuff, throwing stuff, yelling at people. Guy was freaking great and we have to admit that when the Cubs hired him we were more than a little worried. If anyone had the balls to scream and kick the loser out of these under-achieving Cubs, it was Lou. Alas, eventually even the mighty Lou Piniella, childhood friend of our very own Tony LaRussa, was broken by the craptasticness that is the Cubs.