Would Increasing the Drivers License Age Limit Create a Utopia?

Ed “You Punks Get Off My Lawn” Willis thinks so, as he stated in his Letter to the Editor:

We can improve the economy, benefit the environment, and save lives, all in one fell swoop. However, this change will require a great deal of courage and a strong sense of responsibility on the part of parents and lawmakers. We must take the car keys away from 16 year olds. The minimum age for a driver’s license should be 18.

I hate to break it to Ed, but based on his arguments, you could just as easily make the logical leap to taking away old people’s licenses earlier than you can to give young people licenses later.  I’m going to take a shot in the dark that he wouldn’t be for that.

Here are Ed’s three main benefits from his “anti 16 year old drivers” plan:

Fewer cars equal fewer accidents equal insurance premiums that need not continue to escalate ruinously.

Fewer American dollars would go to buy oil from countries that don’t like us very much.

The air in cities would be less harmful to our health, and the accumulation of co2 in the atmosphere responsible for climate change would be slowed.

Yup, prying old people from behind the wheel would accomplish those same goals, but lets not stop there!  Here are the 5 other ways we could accomplish this goal for Ed:

  1. Make people work from home.

  2. One word: Jetpacks

  3. Kill everyone born on an odd-numbered day.

  4. Have the homeless run us around in rickshaws.

  5. Create and begin the use of tube travel.

Something tells us that Ed really is looking for one particular 16 year old to no longer have the right to drive and his reasons aren’t exactly to make the world a better place for me.

Also, we hear that if Ed gets one more dammed frisbee on his lawn, he’s opening a store.

[Editor’s Note: I’ll leave the “What you talkin’ ’bout Willis” jokes to you all in the comments.]