East St. Louis: Where You Can Get Robbed While at Church

East St. Louis: Where You Can Get Robbed While at Church

The thugs of East St. Louis have broken the last barrier: They’re robbing you in church now!

East St. Louis Police Chief Michael Floore said a call reporting the incident came into the Police Department at 5:12 p.m. about the armed robbery of people at IRA Grove Baptist Church, located at 1701 Belmont.

“Church service was going on when three masked gunmen went into the church and robbed the people who were there at gunpoint,” Floore said.

No one was injured and police are still trying to figure out what was taken from each of the patrons, but yikes…church…while services were happening. Also, we wanted to have a picture of the church via Google Street View, but when we typed in the address Google said “F*ck that noise! We’re not trying to go anywhere near there, even if it is digitally,” so instead, you get a freeze frame of one shot of the Arch in the opening sequence of the late 80’s sitcom “Just the Ten of Us”.

“They’re innovators man. True innovators.” (probably) said another East St. Louis hoodlum on hearing the news of the daring crime, while horribly mispronouncing the word “innovators”. “Who would have thought to rob people in church?! Genius. I was just stabbing a guy the other day while thinking that killing a guy at a funeral home couldn’t be topped, but damn, great idea: You can take the money people are giving to the church, and if you get thirsty, they always have wine on hand!”

Upon hearing that someone robbed a church during servies the thugs of East St. Louis wept, as there were no more new places to rob people.

via The Belleville News Democrat