The Schnucks grocery store at 1060 Woods Mill Road is recalling all ground meat sold on Saturday October 1st after finding the scraps of a plastic glove while cleaning the grinder later in the day.
At 8 p.m. Saturday, a thin piece of plastic glove was found in the grinder during cleaning, according to a press release announcing the recall. All Schnucks ground beef and sausage was removed from the sales floor and discarded.
Customers who purchased Schnucks brand ground beef and sausage from the Woods Mill store between 9 a.m. and 8 p.m. Saturday may return it to the store for a full refund.
They have yet to find out if any employee hands are missing, but if so, as they say “meat’s meat.” We really wouldn’t even bother driving all the way back to Schnucks for new meat. You’d have to put pants on, get in the car, tune the radio for the first three stop lights until you find one that has the least amount of suckage for the next few minutes until the commercial…possibly chewing a plastic shred, or random fingernails really doesn’t seem worth that. Hell, it’s almost Halloween, so say they’re haunted hamburgers and just have them pick any knuckles or fingernails out. Throw some wet spagghetti in a bowl so they can move on to “brains” afterwards to complete the illusion.
You’re on your own with excuses though if your family asks why your burgers seem to have a lot of hairy palm meat and taste like loneliness.