In a tornado season where more old junk has been blown than at a Red 7’s Swingers Night, the Fulton emergency weather alarm decided that it didn’t want to ruin anyone’s Wednesday with a warning siren, so it held off until Thursday. There were no storms Thursday mind you, so in essence it was a “If you’re hearing this, you survived!” alarm. We don’t have any hard numbers, but it seems more celebratory, while somewhat less effective.
Michelle Kidwell, the county’s emergency management director, says a glitch in the warning system caused the delay. Kidwell says residents should have received a phone call with the weather warning on Wednesday and that the system was being examined so that repairs could be made.
A phone call? Local government is calling people now about severe weather? How lovely.
[Wavy lines so you know this is where we tilt our head up and think of what that might be like in a hopefully entertaining fashion. Maybe you could wave your hands around in front of you to complete the illusion. Seriously. Do it. Now!]
“Hello Fulton resident! This is an automated message warning you about a dangerous situation. Press 2 to be warned in Espanol.
Please enter your social security number, followed by the pound symbol.
One moment please.
[Muzak version of REM’s “It’s End of the World and We Know It (and I Feel Fine)”]
According to our records, a tornado is scheduled to hit your house in negative 5 minutes from now.
In order to keep efficient for the tax payers, we will assume you are now deceased. If you are not deceased, please go online to www.fultonthinksyourdead.gov, print and fill out the E-90 form. Fax it back to the number provided with a cover letter explaining how you survived.
We’re sorry for your loss.”