A $1.6 Million dollar lottery winning ticket was purchased at…well, we wouldn’t call it horrible, but it’s not good and a little ghetto, Schnucks over in University City off of Olive Boulevard. You know the one. It’s by the ghetto-ish Jack in the Box, across the street from the ghetto-ish Imo’s, next to the fat ladies clothing store and a $1 dollar store.
Someone purchased a winning ticket at the Schnucks Market at 6920 Olive Boulevard. It matched all six numbers drawn on May 14 to win the $1.6 million jackpot.
The winning numbers were 11, 13, 20, 29, 40 and 42.
“Oh lord heaven almighty baby jesus sweet god almighty!” is what we assume the person said when they finally realize that the 1,323,653,301st lottery ticket they ever bought just netted them $1.6 Million. They have until November 10th to claim their winnings, but chances are, they’ll have already taken the ticket to the paycheck cashing store and started buying rims for their busted minivan, 3 or 4 white suits and at least one fur hat by then. Do they make fancy versions of crappy food like chicken gizzards and Velveeta? Someone’s about the find out!
Get out that champagne and spray it around. Take the time to enjoy the first time you made money while something is shot away from your face!
Actually, you know who we really hope won the big prize? The Delmar Loop Pimp! His dream to one day replace his towel rod cane with an actual cane may finally be realized. No need to upgrade his wardrobe though, shag carpet vests and powder blue ruffled suits never go out of style.