Mardi Gras is upon us, but that’s especially true for the fine residents of Soulard who enjoy the often repeated pleasure of “Dude! You can just get wasted and walk back home!” …but alas, they also have to look at the invading drunken hoards for an entire weekend, and lets face it, some are better to look at than others. Ok, lets really face it: Some of ya’ll are gross. It’s ok though! We’re here to help with…
Our Dos and Don’ts for Mardi Gras weekend! (With a hat tip to Vice Magazine, the perfecter of the Dos and Don’ts art form.)
Don’t
The deal with facepaint, and in general we’re talking about full-coverage face paint, is it’s fine in certain situations if you are one of the following: a little kid, a hairy hockey/football fan, fat person. All of those people get a pass because no one wants to make out with them. However, if you’re like the broad above, eg, not in those categories, someone may think: “Not bad. We should make out…or maybe I should find someone that won’t leave half their non-sensical costume on my face, chest and sheets. Gross.” That scenario is only assuming that it’s early enough in the day so they still think you’re cute because your makeup hasn’t yet smudged in to a horrific, rash-reminding, mess all over your face and hands.
Wanna be a leopard? Well you can be anything you want to be…except that. Get drunk like an adult.
Photo Credit: Flickr user librarian7
Do
Always let people touch your boobs if they are nice, and you are attractive. We really can’t stress this enough girls. At some point your chest will be covered in beads and simply lifting your top won’t be enough. Plus, we’d hate for you to get frost bite.
Photo Credit: Flickr user lspiderl
Don’t
Being ugly is something you can’t generally control, but the ability to keep a shirt over your hairy nipples isn’t genetic. Also, this pose where you try to be cute with the finger-to-mouth thing, is always a don’t. This man would need a finger the size of a Drury Inn to have this photo not make us want to staple our eyelids shut.
Photo Credit: Flickr user thegreengirl
Do
If ladies with attractive bodies are worried about “just wearing a bra”, paint is always a lovely choice to “feel” covered but still flaut to the other ladies that you’re actually pulling off just wearing a bra.
Photo Credit: Flickr user lspiderl
Don’t
When planing your Mardi Gras group, think about the company you keep. No one will notice you if all you’re bringing to the table is your purple hairy hat, maybe don’t ask your sexy blonde friend to show up naked with her make up all done up lookin’ damn good! Weird hands though, but even one appendage is enough for grabbing stuff.
Photo Credit: Flickr user librarian7
Don’t
If your boobs have areola that cover your boobs in percentages only previously seen in National Geographic, keep them tucked away please. You have no chance of coming out looking good on a weekend such as this with other, better, less nipply boobs ready to pop out at any minute. You’re better off showing them next weekend at just a random bar with less competition. Seriously, we only edited out her nippular regions. All that pink is downtown nipple, or nipple county! That’s just not going to do it. There’s a difference between guys gawking at your boobs because they’re great, and guys staring while they try to figure out what now many days until your areola will reach your neck.
Photo Credit: Flickr user lspiderl
Over the course of the weekend, stay safe out there, take some photos (send the crazier ones this direction) and follow us on Twitter and Facebook.