Frozen Meat Found to be Ineffective on Overdose Victims

Date: May 2009

Place: Effingham

J.J. Ward died from an overdose after purchasing some heroin from one Tavis Doyle earlier in the day at an East St. Louis crack house, or as East St. Louis resident’s call them…”a house”.

After making the deal, Ward settled in for a good ole heroin snack, but soon overdosed right there in front of Doyle who quickly sprung in to action to help his fallen customer…by placing frozen meat in his pants. We don’t want to get in to the biology of it all, but placing frozen meat in the pants of a person overdosing usually doesn’t work, and sure the hell didn’t here. Ward died. However, Doyle wasn’t done yet! He then claimed to the other crackheads that Ward was fine, and just needed to “sleep it off.” The crackheads let Ward do just that, finally taking him to a hospital some 12 hours after the overdose.

Yesterday in court, Doyle was found guilty for “non-stop” heroin dealing between 2008 to 2009 and now faces a mandatory life sentence.

No word yet if the any of the crackheads eventually ate the meat defrosted on a twitching herion overdose victim. (Who are we kidding. We both know they did.)

via STLToday

_[Editor’s Note: Header image is the hot and hilarious Chrissy Teigen because, seriously what other photo would you prefer with a story like this?]_