Albert Pujols Invalidates Your Death

In the screen grab included below of’s home page, you see that Albert Pujols has managed to triumph over death! Four mentions of the Pujols contract dominate the home page, while 3 other stories about crime and death sink to the bottom like the boring crap news they are. Oh you died today and you want people to recognize it or something? Should have thought about that before you up and died on “contract deadline day”!

Suck it up family members! Look, the fact is we all died a little bit today on the inside as the Pujols deadline came and went without a contract, but you don’t hear up whining about it.