Missouri House Submits Bill That Forces Surgery to be All Sober and Boring

Missouri House member Vicki Schneider of O’Fallon, has submitted a bill that would make it a Class B misdemeanor if a doctor was caught performing surgery, or any other medical procedure, on a patient while under the influence of alcohol or drugs, making officially illegal something that is only the realm of malpractice lawsuits currently.

You read that right Missouri! As it stands, if your Doctor can manage to drive his drunk ass to the hospital without getting a ticket, then he’s free and clear to cut you open. …Son of a bitch! We knew our kidney’s shouldn’t tick or feel “watchy”!

Speaking of which, the bill also details a stronger penalty for doctors that actually screw something up and hurt you in the process:

An intoxicated doctor who physically injures the patient during surgery or a medical procedure could be charged with a Class C felony, punishable by up to seven years in prison.

That being said, the bill doesn’t specify a hard level at which a doctor is to be considered “impaired”, which is nice for those doctors that swear up and down that they drive, and cut stuff out of you better with a few drinks in them. Equally believable is the fact that although we obviously exude sexual energy in every way, and if we lock eyes with a woman she can see her, hopes, dreams, and future ecstasy in the deep richness of our eyes, we’re also sensitive, and spend our free time helping old ladies, orphans and bunnies with one floppy ear. We’re the whole package with another package that comes with the main package.

(The second package is our penis.)

via Kansas City.com