The Girl Scouts of Eastern Missouri have gone mad with power. Sure we guess it’s within the rules to create a division called “The Girl Scouts of Eastern Missouri” even though it sounds dumb, but to start just willy nilly changing time-honored cookie names?! We don’t think there is ever an excuse to punch a little girl in the face but…we guess there is now.
The Girl Scouts of Eastern Missouri have switched bakeries after 20 years, from Little Brownie Bakers, a subsidiary of Keebler, to ABC Bakers, a subsidiary of Interbake Foods.
So the cookies formerly known as Samoas — vanilla cookies coated in caramel, sprinkled with toasted coconut and laced with chocolate stripes — are now Caramel deLites.
What the hell?! “Caramel deLites?” That’s completely freaking retar…well actually that name does make more sense. Never really could remember that “Samoas” name, always just called them “You know the coconut ones with the chocolate.” What’s with the name change though, something about taste or delivering a better product?
“This was a financial decision,” said Donna Martin, CEO of the Eastern Missouri Council.
They should put that right on the box. On the side, under the ingredients where people will look when they bite in to one and say “Jesus, these things taste a lot more financially beneficial!” with an angry “Ok that’s it, these things are expensive, but at least they tasted good. Now I’ve got what? The happiness of a child? Pretty sure that won’t fill the emptiness in me only sugary snacks can fill.” look on their face.
The taste may be slightly different, but the cookies will still be delicious, assured Patrice Martin, director of product sales for the local council.
What’s she gonna say though?
Trefoils are now called Shortbread, Tagalongs are Peanut Butter Patties and the Do-si-do is a Peanut Butter Sandwich cookie.
The Thin Mint will not change names. It is the sacred cow (and best-seller) of all Girl Scout cookies.
Nothing sells like stuff with catchy names like “Peanut Butter Sandwich Cookie”. You people with ugly daughters are really going to have a crisis on your hands trying to off-load these things this year.