The Cardinals Kiss Cam: Looking at Your Fat Ass Isn’t Any Better Than Two Dudes

Saturday afternoon at Busch Stadium, a large group consisting of many gay and lesbian couples plans to attend the Cardinals game. Not sure why, the Cards are way out of it, but whatever, that’s their choice. Another choice of their’s is to put in a request to be featured on the “Kiss Cam”. Ok, cool. We don’t see the problem, or even why this is front page news on STLToday…we also have a full set of chromosomes, which might be why we aren’t “outraged” by this and taking to the always delightfully retarded comment section to scream about it.

A staple of sporting events for years, the “Kiss Cam” is pretty simple: Find couples in the crowd. Keep the camera on them until they give each other a little peck. It’s pointless, but gives people a chance to think about something else when the Pirates have crowded around the Cardinals and keep kicking them in the junk. How the hell could this mindless little thing be a problem for anyone? Well all the trouble started because of…wait for it…the Rams.

The request to feature same-sex couples on the Kiss Cam at Busch Stadium grew out of an incident that occurred Sunday at the Edward Jones Dome, where the Rams hosted the Arizona Cardinals. During the Kiss Cam feature, two men dressed in Arizona jerseys were among the couples shown. The crowd laughed and booed when the two men tried to shoo away the cameras. But there were gay men in the crowd who said it was offensive that the Rams organization would choose to embarrass Arizona fans by portraying them as a gay couple.

Eh. I don’t think this was something that was done to “mock the gay community” any more than when Dustin Hoffman kissed Jason Bateman at a ballgame earlier this year, but people are touchy these days. We like that the Rams went for it there and tried their hands at a joke, but frankly it was a bit tired, and line we wouldn’t cross if we really needed everyone we to buy tickets to our games, since alienating people isn’t good business. Either way, it offended some people and, shockingly these days, they acted rationally: They formed a group to go to a sporting event, and asked politely if they could be on the Kiss Cam for once. Well done! So where did the wheels come off? STLToday happened.

Making the issue 20 times bigger than it should have been and knowing full well that their comment section would ignite in an inferno of hatred, STLToday decided to run the story with the headline:

Gays to Cards: Put us on Kiss Cam, too

Are you fucking kidding us with that shit?  Could you have found a more shit-stirring headline that that? What about “Queers Order Cardinals to Play Gay Porn on Busch Stadium Jumbotron”?  “Gays”? So every gay person wants to be on the kiss cam? We’re talking about 200 people here. If this was any other group, would you lump them all together like that? You can talk all you want STLToday about how you are working hard to keep your comments section clean but you’re full of shit, so just admit you want the hoosier hate because it makes your page views go up.

Fun’s just starting though.

First we have Chris Tunno, a Cardinals spokesman, who says this is why it’s scary territory to put homosexual couples on the big screen:

Do you pick a guy and a girl? And what if you pick someone who is not together? And two guys and two girls? Same thing. You’d be in a total mess.

Ever been to a Cardinals game? Every single time we’ve seen the Kiss Cam in action they always end up with at least one shot of a “couple” that aren’t together. Every. Time. When it happens, you can tell right away they aren’t a couple by the body language, people chuckle, the camera moves on and people forget about it. Happens every time without fail and who does that hurt? If the Cardinals were really worried about this, there is a simple solution to drop the chances of a mismatch down to zero: Do a little couple research during the game. Get some binoculars out and scan the crowd. If two people (guy and girl, guy and guy or girl and girl) are a couple, they don’t have to be making out to tell. No one’s going to confuse two hoosier’s with their cut-off t-shirts high-fiving each other as a couple. Of course those two dudes could actually be gay as a tangerine, but you won’t confuse them with a couple.

Ok, we’ve solved the problem for the Cardinals, exposed STLToday as douche-bags and showed you a few other taboo Kiss Cam situations with our inline images…lets get to those STLToday comments shall we? You know you wanna see them!

Everything quoted below are actual comments directly copied from’s story, our response will directly follow. Get ready for some fucked up shit!

troutstream said on: September 16, 2010, 12:24 am

The day they put that manure on the board is the last day I’d ever attend a game at that venue.

Will a couple of dudes make sure this Kiss Cam thing happens?! We’ve got a shot to ditch one little bitchy guy that talks the whole game about his 3 weeks as a high school right-fielder. Damn his bum knee! …Could have been out there right now!

reality_chex said on: September 16, 2010, 7:25 am

So now the answer will be eliminating the cam in its entirety just because of a bunch of liberal whiners once again. Many suffer because of the whines of a few

“suffer”? It’s the freaking Kiss Cam! I can assure you that if there is any “suffering” its when you and you bat-wing armed significant other drop your hot dogs for a second to mash your ketchup stained faces together. How did I know what you look like? We see all!! …you dropped a quarter.

allinman said on: September 16, 2010, 7:42 am

Its amazing this paper will publish stuff about gays but if you say anything about BLACKS its taboo.I guess with a halfiacan in the white house we don’t want to insult any blacks.

You’re, quite simply, a fucking moron.

Cletus Bojangles said on: September 16, 2010, 7:54 am

Girls OK, guys, not OK. Yea, I know thats discrimination, oh well.

Gotta give you points for your Frat-guy honesty, but remember that time when you were “soooo wasted” and for a second you thought that Steve looked good with his shirt off passed out next to you? That shit was real no matter how much you fight it. You can pick up your standard issue Lady Gaga poster at any time.

lvdrtracin said on: September 16, 2010, 8:11 am

Not to mention that if I was there with a buddy – and that “kiss cam” was looking at us – I would sue the heck out of the camera guy, the Cards, and anyone else responsible…. Once again – the minority wants to override the wishes of the majority. That SHOULD NOT HAPPEN!!!!!

Repress much? Also I’m not sure you are clear on how the legal system works.

buckriggs said on: September 16, 2010, 8:57 am

I have no problem with 2 cute girls kissing but if they are a couple old fat hogs that would be gross. Two guys kissing would make me throw up my beer and brats.

It’s for the best. Gonna take a shot in the dark that your ass is HUGE.

Drunken Sailor said on: September 16, 2010, 11:33 am

Why not show murderer’s and rapist’s doing their thing on the Kiss Cam, because they’re people too.

You are the worst kind of retard.

redbird said on: September 16, 2010, 2:27 pm

The way the Cards are playing is a sickening enough site without also watching two dudes tonguing eachother. I vote to do away with Kiss Cam before including gays. The ballpark is suppossed to be a FAMILY-FRIENDLY atmosphere.

Loving gay couples are families. That thing you have going on with your loveless deceitful marriage and your emo kid that hates you both for it…not so much.

giggles said on: September 16, 2010, 12:59 pm

Dlstl – “homosexuality doesn’t harm anybody”… tell that to AIDS patients.

Giggles, we sincerely hope you get Aids. Pee-hole Aides. See if that makes you gay.

[Editor’s Note: One last thing…You know those cute prairie dogs kissing right up there? They’re both dudes. Deal with it.]

via STLToday