Saturday afternoon at Busch Stadium, a large group consisting of many gay and lesbian couples plans to attend the Cardinals game. Not sure why, the Cards are way out of it, but whatever, that’s their choice. Another choice of their’s is to put in a request to be featured on the “Kiss Cam”. Ok, cool. We don’t see the problem, or even why this is front page news on STLToday…we also have a full set of chromosomes, which might be why we aren’t “outraged” by this and taking to the always delightfully retarded comment section to scream about it.
A staple of sporting events for years, the “Kiss Cam” is pretty simple: Find couples in the crowd. Keep the camera on them until they give each other a little peck. It’s pointless, but gives people a chance to think about something else when the Pirates have crowded around the Cardinals and keep kicking them in the junk. How the hell could this mindless little thing be a problem for anyone? Well all the trouble started because of…wait for it…the Rams.
The request to feature same-sex couples on the Kiss Cam at Busch Stadium grew out of an incident that occurred Sunday at the Edward Jones Dome, where the Rams hosted the Arizona Cardinals. During the Kiss Cam feature, two men dressed in Arizona jerseys were among the couples shown. The crowd laughed and booed when the two men tried to shoo away the cameras. But there were gay men in the crowd who said it was offensive that the Rams organization would choose to embarrass Arizona fans by portraying them as a gay couple.
Eh. I don’t think this was something that was done to “mock the gay community” any more than when Dustin Hoffman kissed Jason Bateman at a ballgame earlier this year, but people are touchy these days. We like that the Rams went for it there and tried their hands at a joke, but frankly it was a bit tired, and line we wouldn’t cross if we really needed everyone we to buy tickets to our games, since alienating people isn’t good business. Either way, it offended some people and, shockingly these days, they acted rationally: They formed a group to go to a sporting event, and asked politely if they could be on the Kiss Cam for once. Well done! So where did the wheels come off? STLToday happened.
Making the issue 20 times bigger than it should have been and knowing full well that their comment section would ignite in an inferno of hatred, STLToday decided to run the story with the headline:
“Gays to Cards: Put us on Kiss Cam, too“
Are you fucking kidding us with that shit? Could you have found a more shit-stirring headline that that? What about “Queers Order Cardinals to Play Gay Porn on Busch Stadium Jumbotron”? “Gays”? So every gay person wants to be on the kiss cam? We’re talking about 200 people here. If this was any other group, would you lump them all together like that? You can talk all you want STLToday about how you are working hard to keep your comments section clean but you’re full of shit, so just admit you want the hoosier hate because it makes your page views go up.
Fun’s just starting though.
First we have Chris Tunno, a Cardinals spokesman, who says this is why it’s scary territory to put homosexual couples on the big screen:
Do you pick a guy and a girl? And what if you pick someone who is not together? And two guys and two girls? Same thing. You’d be in a total mess.
Ever been to a Cardinals game? Every single time we’ve seen the Kiss Cam in action they always end up with at least one shot of a “couple” that aren’t together. Every. Time. When it happens, you can tell right away they aren’t a couple by the body language, people chuckle, the camera moves on and people forget about it. Happens every time without fail and who does that hurt? If the Cardinals were really worried about this, there is a simple solution to drop the chances of a mismatch down to zero: Do a little couple research during the game. Get some binoculars out and scan the crowd. If two people (guy and girl, guy and guy or girl and girl) are a couple, they don’t have to be making out to tell. No one’s going to confuse two hoosier’s with their cut-off t-shirts high-fiving each other as a couple. Of course those two dudes could actually be gay as a tangerine, but you won’t confuse them with a couple.
Ok, we’ve solved the problem for the Cardinals, exposed STLToday as douche-bags and showed you a few other taboo Kiss Cam situations with our inline images…lets get to those STLToday comments shall we? You know you wanna see them!