The American Ninja Lives in St. Charles. Please Don’t Touch His Wood.

Wanna take scrap wood out of dumpsters in St. Charles? You’re call, but if you do, be prepared to tangle with the ninja of Sun Lake Drive: 41 year old Scott Schwartz.

St. Charles Police Lt. Mike Akers said two men were searching for scrap wood inside a dumpster in the Sun Valley Lake apartment complex about 9 p.m. Thursday. Akers said the men told police they had been given permission to search the dumpster.

…this is always how it starts. Minding your own business digging through the trash. One of the guys probably turned to the other one and said “Dude? Did you just hear a ninja?” “A ninja?! They aren’t real. Concentrate on your wood finding ya knucklehead!” …right about then is when some bad ass shadow crept over them.

Akers said a shirtless Schwartz waived a 38-inch “ninja-type” sword with a 28-inch blade at the men and accused them of being thieves. Police said Schwartz also threatened to kill the men.

We just want to take this moment to remind you that the two men were digging through the trash.

After they ran away, Schwartz stabbed the dashboard of their 1987 Chevy pickup truck, police said.

Ok, that last part didn’t feel very “Ninja-y” to us. I don’t remember Mr. Miyagi reminding Daniel that if they run away, you can always cut up their dashboard. Though that plan would have worked awesome on the Cobra Kai Dojo master who had a pretty sweet ride as we remember and totally would have taught him a lesson. Ah-so! It appears the student has become the teacher! Well done “Scott son”.

Those that doubt the powers of the St. Chuck ninja may want to take a gander at our artist rendition of what Scotty the Ninja looks like all bad-assed up:

Boom! Yes sir. That is a freaking Ninja throwing star. Deal with it.

via STLToday