It’s Really Hot in St. Louis…Here’s How Hot

Editor’s Note: Here’s another great bit from guest contributor Lance (see his previous work here) If you have any interest in guest authoring a post here, drop me a line at editor@punchingkitty.com

It’s hot in St. Louis. Real hot. How hot? It’s so hot that:

  • Forest Park has been renamed Savannah Park

  • Talk 97.1 is airing a special on the dangers of Global Warming

  • The Penguin & Puffin Coast attraction at the zoo is now a fried chicken stand

  • The Blues just traded Erik Johnson for a lifeguard

  • Mayor Slay just awarded Nelly the key to the city for his innovative plan “take off all yur clothes”

  • The line at Ted Drewes is so long that… oh, wait, nothing’s changed there.

  • St. Louis county is willing to merge back with the city in exchange for a bucket of ice.

  • Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg just called back. They just mumbled “Uh, never mind… ” and the phone went dead.

  • “A Goddam Fan” just won the Democratic primary for Kit Bond’s senate seat.

  • The Kings of Leon have a new song “Hot Pigeon Shit Blues”

  • Busch stadium concession vendors now just pour the beer directly on your head.