Editor’s Note: Here’s another great bit from guest contributor Lance (see his previous work here) If you have any interest in guest authoring a post here, drop me a line at [email protected]

It’s hot in St. Louis. Real hot. How hot? It’s so hot that:

• Forest Park has been renamed Savannah Park

• Talk 97.1 is airing a special on the dangers of Global Warming

• The Penguin & Puffin Coast attraction at the zoo is now a fried chicken stand

• The Blues just traded Erik Johnson for a lifeguard

• Mayor Slay just awarded Nelly the key to the city for his innovative plan “take off all yur clothes”

• The line at Ted Drewes is so long that… oh, wait, nothing’s changed there.

• St. Louis county is willing to merge back with the city in exchange for a bucket of ice.

• Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg just called back. They just mumbled “Uh, never mind… ” and the phone went dead.

• “A Goddam Fan” just won the Democratic primary for Kit Bond’s senate seat.

• The Kings of Leon have a new song “Hot Pigeon Shit Blues”

• Busch stadium concession vendors now just pour the beer directly on your head.