Morons in the Humidity: A Busch Stadium Safari

As we said earlier today, we went to the ballgame last night…and unlike most times, we brought our camera! We have a few great clear shots of some particular Busch Stadium species we all know and love (to hate).

First up is Ithinkimcool forsomereason-us which is latin for “smug douche”. This guy decides its in his best interest to ruin other people’s fun at the game because he’s sad for some reason deep down inside. This particular creatures technique from last night was to wait until a single guy comes down to take a photo of the field, with play currently stopped, to yell “Can’t see!” I can’t stress enough that not only was nothing going on, but there had literally been upwards of 50 people crowding around this area at one point or another throughout the night, including times during play. The single guy just trying to take some fun, up-close shots in between innings? Yeah, that’s ruining your fun. Can’t have that.

Our second find of the night is probably even more annoying, but sadly no harder to find: Istartus Thewaveus

This is the guy that starts feeling the buzz around the 5th inning and perverts regular, non-douche thoughts, in to “If I don’t start the wave right now someone will die!” He then procedes to try to start the wave over and over again, as if the cold smack of being ignored has no effect on his beer empowered retard gland.

This particular specimen managed to infect the woman next to him to keep trying to start the wave in his original section while going to an adjacent section to ignite the wave there. Though largely a failure, it will be retold as a valiant effort that would have surely given the Cards that burst they needed to win had the other fans just trying to watch the game joined in.

We even have a little video of him failing to get a wave off the ground. Sad. Sadder still is that this guy will probably end up being a Congressmen from St. Charles County.

Lastly in our Busch Stadium Safari, we found the hoosier vacationus. This creature is strictly a pack animal and is prone to take bizarre photos throughout the game while being adorned in the worst, most ostentatious Cardinals gear they could find. Usually seen wearing jerseys with their own last name on them, shirts with fake player signatures, or that Cardinals gear in untraditional colors like camo or yellow. Sadly we were unable to get an actual photo, but we did manage to call in the Punching Kitty artist to draw our description as best they could.

We experienced a pack of 3, one either pregnant or full of a year supply of nachos (or both I guess) was the pack leader with its followers crowded around it posing in unnatural positions clinging to the pack leader.

As nature lovers, we always encourage our readers to submit their encounters with either these or other creatures that roam our beloved Busch Stadium.