The Rams Release Problem Child Richie Incognito

richie-incognito-hipsYesterday afternoon, ole “Coach Spags” of our St. Louis Rams finally found what we all were hoping he would some day: His balls.

Finally after costing us a tons of penalty yards and being a general douche for pretty much the whole time he was here, the Rams cut Richie Incognito.

Let him have it Coach!  Tell this punk he’s outa here!

“As with all other personnel moves, this is what we felt was in the best interest of the team at this time,” said Spagnuolo. “We appreciate Richie’s efforts and we wish him the very best.”

God you are such a pussy.  False alarm on the “finding his balls” thing!  Our bad!

We appreciate Richie’s efforts?!  He’s done nothing but bad-mouth the fans and ruin games in his time here…but gee, thanks for the memories.  I thought football was a man’s sport…oh wait…maybe that’s winning football I was thinking of.

What do you have to say Richie?   …oh and allow us to translate it.

“Honestly, I’m excited for the new opportunity,” Incognito told the Post-Dispatch.

What am I suppose to say?  Frankly I can’t believe I lasted this long.

“My stay in St. Louis hasn’t been a glorious one from the get-go. I came in with a lot of doubts. It hasn’t been — I’m searching for the word — everything hasn’t been great.”

The Rams sucked pretty much from the word “go” of my career.  I came in with doubts, and now I’m leaving with more…and crap loads of money.

“So in part, I feel like a great weight has been lifted off my shoulders.”

They made me take off my pads.

“I get an opportunity to go play for a new team in a new city.”

The XFL still exists right?

“I can get away from the negativity that has surrounded me, that has been surrounding my entire career here in St. Louis. So that I’m looking forward to.”

Do you know how much pot I can buy with my salary?!

“At the end of the day it’s a business decision. I’m a professional . . . onward and upward.”

I am a giant douche.

“I passed along to Spags and Billy. I told them they’re doing a wonderful job.”

They had a tough job to live up to following the walking vagina that was Scott Linehan, but keeping me on for nearly the whole season was a great surprise.  Really good job putting up with me. I love money!

“I really do think Spags is doing a great job. It’s obvious what the team needs here … and it’s talent. It’s not a lack of coaching. And it’s not a lack of desire. It’s just a lack of talent right now. And they’ll get that sorted out.”

I just told all my ex-teammates they sucked.  I have to go now.

“They’re the right men for the job.”

I just doomed them.