Remember like a year ago when Charter started the whole bankruptcy proceedings? Well now its almost over.
Charter Communications Inc. says a bankruptcy judge has confirmed its reorganization plan, clearing the way for the nation’s fourth largest cable TV operator to emerge from Chapter 11 in a few weeks.
Charter said the plan whittles its debt burden by about $8 billion, leaving $13 billion. Bondholders who agreed to swap their $8 billion of debt will end up owning nearly all of the post-bankruptcy company.
So instead of owing people 21 million dollars, now they owe them 13 million…and to pay that debt, the people they owed it too now own Charter?!
Here’s what the new owners should so with Charter:
1. Stop being dicks about everything.
2. Kill all ad campaigns that involve that dumb guy talking automatically when I hit a website.
3. Get the NFL network.
4. Ramp up that internet speed, and deliver what you promise.
5. Understand you are never going to get some people back without completely relaunching everything.
6. A few more of those “Free Skinamax Cinemax weekends” would smooth a lot over.
One time my friends and I really needed to scrape together some money, but unlike Charter my friends and I were amazing breakdancers so we put on a awesome dance show to raise the money so that mean old white bald guy wouldn’t bulldoze our community center. We got the money, but it turned out that place was a crack house. My sister got hooked on the smack and ended up doing rimjobs in there to get her next hit. Looking back on it, that old white guy probably would have created a pretty sweet movie theatre there or a Sonic or something.
Stay in school kids.