Mayor Slay Institutes Draft to Restock Rams Roster

For immediate release:

Monday, after the Rams’ Wide Receiver Keenan Burton suffered a season-ending knee injury, Mayor Slay introduced the draft for all St. Louis men between the ages of 22 and 30.  Men selected are to report immediately to Rams Park, put on the pads and play until they are hurt, at which point they can go back to their normal lives knowing that they have served their city in it’s time of need.

No, “your pride” is not one of the things that can be hurt to exclude you from the draft.

In the first selection since instituting the draft, the Rams selected Jordan Kent, who actually kind of played football…once…on the practice squad.  So that was lucky.

Once Jordan is hurt, the Rams will select again from the pool of young men next Monday.

“I think that this is really the only course of action we have left.” Slay told the “crowd” at the Rams press conference announcing the move which consisted of Howard Balzer, Brian Stull and a janitor that got locked in the media room.

When asked about how average St. Louis males will be able to get up to speed for an NFL game in less than a week, Rams Coach Steve Spagnolo said “There’s really not much for them to learn.  Basically Steven Jackson grabs them by the special handle we sewn in the back of their jerseys and uses them as a human shield to guard against the other team….oh and occasionally Marc Bulger might throw a ball in your direction, but if you can’t catch it really won’t matter.  I wouldn’t worry about him hitting you.”

Those that try to make a run for it to Kansas City will be in for a rude awakening as rumors persist that they are preparing their own draft as well.

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