Translating Pam Maples’ Goodbye Memo to Post Dispatch Staff

pammaples300Last Friday evening, Pam Maples, the managing editor of the Post Dispatch “resigned” and with the timing and the surrounding details, it didn’t exactly add up to us, and we weren’t the only ones that thought so.  Yesterday, the plot thickened as Maples’ goodbye memo to the Post Dispatch staff was leaked to the Riverfront Times.

As a public service to our sexy readers, we will now translate the letter for you from BS to real talk.

Well, this is going to surprise a lot of you (OK, maybe all of you), but I haven’t found the words that adequately express what these three years have meant to me. I’ll just give it my best.

It sucks to be let go, but I can’t say that because they gave me more money to pretend I’m resigning.

You have impressed and challenged me with your commitment to this newspaper, to our journalism – no matter the platform – and to this community.

Thanks for minimizing your solitaire game when I walked by your desk.

Through waves of tremendous change and upheaval – sometimes exciting, sometimes scary – you have been firm and passionate about our journalism. When I think of all of the new things we’ve tried together – some to great success, others not so much, but worthwhile experiments nonetheless – I am struck by the courage and creativity many of you have shown.

I love you all…except the web department.  What is going on down there?   What’s with the weird green color?

I have seen you do things I would not have imagined two years ago.

Stupid f***ing internet!  Why did you have to ruin everything?!

I can’t say that I’ve loved every minute of my time here. In the face of economic realities, we’ve had to make some tough decisions and say goodbye to many talented colleagues.

Sadly, this time we had to say goodbye to me.   …f***ing internet.

In each dark time, I was moved by your compassion for each other and, frankly, for those of us responsible for making the decisions.

Eventually you all got numb to the constant threat of being let go and eventually prayed for death.

Now, I’ve decided it’s time for me, personally, to embrace change.

I got let go.

Sometimes, it’s just time to do something new.

Sometimes, they tell you that you can’t come back to work any more.

I’m not sure what’s next, but I’m eager to explore some new ideas and avenues and it’s likely those will involve journalism in some form.

Call me Huffington Post!

I am very fortunate to have worked with all of you, including a great group of senior newsroom leaders as well as some colleagues in other divisions who are passionate about supporting our journalism.

You’re next.

And then there is Arnie. My first week here, I discovered he doesn’t like long meetings. My second week, that he shares my intense aversion to snakes. I knew we were going to get along just fine. It turns out, working with Arnie has been way way better than just fine. Don’t be fooled by that just-a-guy-from-Cleveland-who-loves-the-Indians act. Arnie is one of the wisest people I know and his commitment to this newsroom is remarkable. You are very lucky to have him as your editor.

One time at a Christmas party, Arnie and I were really drunk and…well…nevermind.

Thank you again for an amazing three years. I am so proud of all that we have accomplished and I’m confident you will continue to do the very best and most meaningful journalism in this region. I will miss you, but I’ll just be a phone call or email away.

Tell your friends I need a job.  Is the internet hiring?