Another man was gunned down at a MetroLink station last Friday, but lets not focus on that says a MetroLink spokesman, lets focus on all the times people don’t die! Pay no attention to the woefully inadequate security guard, security is fine!

Metro officials say they spend millions each year on security, with dispatchers monitoring all 37 platforms all day and night.

Quoting how much you spend each year isn’t a good defense to the argument that security sucks…it just proves you wasted a lot of money during the suckage.

“Sometimes our dispatchers will see something on the platform that looks suspicious,” said Richard Zott, head of Metro security. “So they’ll call it out to the platform guy saying, ‘Hey, there’s a suspicious individual — go check him out.’”

“I mean, the guy he just stabbed is still gonna die, but the important thing is that we saw it with a grainy still frame and we sent the old woman security guard, armed with a flash light and whistle, out to go take a look.”

“If someone commits a crime, we can zoom in, get a still photograph and pass that out,” Zott said.

“…again, none of this is actually preventing the crime, but you should see our scrapbook!”

MetroLink is what it is. It doesn’t run late enough to use while going out, it doesn’t go to enough places, and no matter what the stats do or don’t say, it’s hard to describe your situation as “safe” while riding it…but if where you want to go is near a station and it’s during the day, it’s a nice solution. To pretend it’s anything else is just living with your head in the sand, but this story doesn’t change that. What’s interesting is that they are spending “millions” on securing just 37 platforms, and that their own spokesman thinks that the best time to announce that their security is “adequate” is just three days after a murder on a MetroLink platform.

You know what’s not interesting? If you mix orange soda with root beer, it will taste like shit but you could call it something fun like “A Carrot” because it’s an orange root.

via KMOV