Woman Arrested For Beating Up Kid and Not Having Enough Eyebrow Hair

Woman Arrested For Beating Up Kid and Not Having Enough Eyebrow Hair

Terisha Wallace was arrested yesterday in Collinsville, Illinois after allegedly beating up a 13-year old kid.

On Sunday, June 3, at approximately 8:08 p.m., the Madison County Sheriff’s Department was dispatched to a home in Maryville, Ill. where deputies met with the victim of a battery. The victim was suffering from facial swelling and bruising.

The victim told deputies he was battered by two subjects. The victim identified Wallace and a 16-year-old male juvenile as the subjects who had battered him.

Terisha is now in the Madison County Jail with a bond set for $50k.

We’re not sure if this made the official court record, but we also noticed that Terisha has a distinct lack of eyebrow. (Exhibit A:)

Is it simply fashion? Trying to hide that criminal brow? Evolution? Gang thing? Drug thing? Stupid thing? Illinois thing?

Terisha, we as humans need eyebrows. We’ll let the fine people at How Stuff Works tell you why:

We know that eyebrows help keep moisture out of our eyes when we sweat or walk around in the rain. The arch shape diverts the rain or sweat around to the sides of our face, keeping our eyes relatively dry. The most obvious advantage of this is that it lets us see clearly when we’re sweating a lot or out in the rain. Without eyebrows, getting around in these conditions is a little more difficult. The shape of your brow itself diverts a certain amount of moisture, but eyebrows make a significant difference in your ability to see.

Check out that left eye of her’s! Freaking thing starts in the middle of her eye! Maybe she’d have a steadier hand when eyebrow trimming, if she wasn’t using her other hand to beat up 13 year olds!

You know, Terisha, it might seem like a fun summer running around Illinois, beating up middle-schoolers and slowly whittling away valuable eyebrow real estate, but then one day you’re going to wake up and Whoopi Goldberg will be looking back at you from the mirror:

…and then for the rest of your life people are going look at you with that cock-eyed, “can’t put their finger on it” look until someone whispers to them “No eyebrows” and they yell out “Thank you!” and then try to pretend that’s how they always say thank you once they found out you noticed them. Seriously, once you see it you can’t ever un-notice it! Whoopi was huge in the 80s and 90s and then America collectively noticed the no eyebrow thing, and now Whoopi’s not doing crap. Just being on The View, only being watched by middle aged white ladies who see it too, but like to pretend they don’t because they like to pretend Whoopi is their one “black friend”.

It’s just like when someone points out that one of Shannon Doherty’s eyes in higher than the other:


via KMOX