County Problems: Not So Automatic, Automatic Doors

County Problems: Not So Automatic, Automatic Doors

[Editor’s Note: For context, this was part of our impromptu “Animated GIF Week“]

Sure there’s some bigotry out there, like how they hate the gay marriages, and how everyone who’s skin is equal to or darker than the cast Jersey Shores gets a constant stink eye, but if you’re white and straight, life is nearly flawless if you’re living out in the County. We did say nearly though. There’s always a fly in that ointment of glory, like when you have to park in the driveway and walk all the way up the slight incline to get in the house.

We didn’t make this up. This is considered to be news-worthy today by various media outlets. Also a guy got shot in North City and there’s quite the heroin epidemic happening, but OMG! My garage door won’t work! …and it’s kinda drizzly out! #FML

First, Kathy Hoechstenbach’s double garage door wouldn’t work, but the single one would. Then the single door would work only if they got really close to the door with the remote. Soon it wouldn’t work at all.

“You’d see one of the neighbors pull up to the garage and get out of the car,” said Gilbert Ballman. “Pretty soon we were asking each other, ‘Are you having trouble with your garage door too?’”

So frustrating and newsworthy! Can’t they just get a new one?

The fix, which would require a switch to another frequency, also would mean that residents who have openers integrated into their cars would not be able to reprogram them. The new signal would be out of the usable range.

This calls for science!

Did anyone get any new gadgets? A new security system? An electronic fence perhaps?

Ballman got a TV, but no one else got any new electronics, so they dug further.

The timing of the problem was far in advance of a recent geo-magnetic solar storm that could have affected power grids. The National Weather Service had no reports of a lightning strike in the area.

Good try, but now what? Wait. Did you do this stuff while wearing a lab coat and goggles? We don’t think it works unless you have at least a lab coat.

The residents all filed complaints with the Federal Communications Commission, but it’s unclear how long it will take the agency to complete an investigation.

Yeah…the federal government is probably going to get right on that issue about how your garage door doesn’t work and you don’t want to buy a new one for $400 while it will cost you $4,000 in tax money to have the FCC take a look for you and tell you to go buy a new one.

It appears there’s nothing left to do other than tell the Post Dispatch and hope it’s a slow news day. Here’s TV’s Dawson, handing out some free sympathy for you:

[Editor’s Note: We’re two for two this week on using animated gifs! F*ck it! Let’s just make this week “Story Related Animated Gif Week”]

via STLToday and The Verge